just because you didn't get pregnant out of wedlock does not mean the sun shines out of your arse!!

[booooooooooyhoo]

arrrgghh!!!

mud fecking sticks doesn't it?

just sitting at parent's house after dinner. ds asks dad "what are those lines on your face?" dad replies that they are worry lines caused be me and Dsis. we have a giggle. Dsis then can't resist saying, "to be fair i think it was your mum (me) that caused all those, i didn't cause any of them" and i said (sarkily) "no, cause you're an angel" and she kept on saying "well it's true, you caused them a lot more stress than i have." and i asked her what she meant. she said "what do you think i mean?" before dad not so subtly changed the subject.

i mean ds is 5 now, my mum and dad have always loved him to pieces, they never bore any grudges and have never told me they were disappointed that i was 19 and not married when i had him. they have been nothing but supportive since i had him. why the fuck does she have to throw that shit up at me? this is the UK in 2010 not rural ireland in the 1950's.

i agree writer, i don't think Dsis and i will ever bond. unless of course she gets a good dose of reality somewhere along the line and realises that nobody (including her) is perfect but that doesn't mean they should be written off forever.

Sorry slow to reply.

I meant I don't understand why people look down on someone for having a baby at a young age.

If they themselves are having a sexual relationship it could just as easily happen to them.

If someone did not believe in sex before marriage on moral or religious grounds then they may have justification in their own mind for thinking you are wrong.

But if they did what you did but did not get
pregnant how can they criticise you.

Sorry if I didn't put it well, it has always annoyed me as my DD got pregnant at 15 and lots of her classmates were very rude, they had had sex and either not got pregnant or not continued with the pregnancy.

Of course I would never have planned it that way but I am proud of her she took responsibility and built a life for her self and her DD.

yes lynli, i think my frustration with my sister got the better of me and i jumped on your post thinking that you agreed with her. i know now what you mean

well done to you and your DD. at 15 that must have been sooo hard for her to go through that (the snidey comments etc)aswell as becoming a mum.

Seems to me your parents are a big part of making her the sort of spoiled and silly person she is, and should risk rocking the boat a bit to stand up for your DS.

oh math i am not shy, tehy are totally to blame for the way she is, my mum moreso. but i have given up on trying to help them see it. standing up for myself or him ends up in me being made to look like i am oversensitive/need to relax/have issues or else they will jsut say, "right lets not argue" if i keep going they will just repeat the lets not argue line. that's why i try to distance myself. the only reason i go out is for the dses because i know they wouldn't come to see them at my house.

Sounds like sibling rivalry. Don't get upset - she said it, not your parents.

And another thing - she should mind what she says because she may return from Oz with added luggage, IYKWIM!! You never know what life is going to throw at you.

Don't worry about her comment - you have a beautiful child and she doesn't...yet.

Sigh. Champers and others are right. Unfortunately there is a cast-iron rule which has held since the first two chimps realised they were siblings. The rule is that no matter how wonderful and sensitive a person you are to the world in general, towards a brother or sister - even though you love them - you must make occasional remarks which annoy or upset the heck out of them. I love my siblings more than my closest friends but still manage to say things to them I would never dream of saying to anyone else. I don't know why or where it comes from. The best I can come up is to try and keep my mouth shut and hope they follow suit.

One of my good friends has raised her kid solo and he is just about to leave for uni. She got pregnant when she was 17. Watching her over the years made me realise that being a single parent takes love, strength, courage, intelligence and determination. One day your sister will realise those are the things that define you now. :)

I'm willing to bet money on there being an undercurrent of deep anxiety about your sister on your parents' part, which, I'll bet, she picks up on. Hence the unresolved sibling stuff.

She's living at home, saving money to go to Australia, and is bitter. If she was my child, I'd be fretting. You are, I susepct, the capable one, who turns things round, gets things done, and has a child, and relationships behind you. You'll do just fine. But you sister would be keeping me awake at night.

Agree with mathanxiety, though, she mustn't say that kind of thing in front of you child. Pulling your tail is annoying (and frankly a bit sad,) but sibling-stuff. Saying it in front of your child is in a different league.

she's not saving animula, they are paying for her to go and are setting up a standing order for when she is there.

but yes i can see that it could be her that they are anxious about. my mums till insists on knowing where she is going, who with, what time she will be back etc.

They are cutting a switch to beat themselves with, Boooooooooyhoo.

Sad they will not visit you at your house. That seems really off.

it's just the way they are, yet i heard my mum complaining last week that her mum never phones her!! history repeating i don't mind that they don't visit me, it's just the boys i feel for. if it wasn't for them i would happily not go out every week.

Your sister, for example, is a twat.

Some of my family look down on me for having a child - was 18 was DS was born - though none of them would sink to such a level as to tell DS as such, and I am lucky they are not my siblings. I know it hurts, and angers, but do try and look past it if you can. She sounds like a bitter jealous cow, TBH.

what hurts more is that it is now 5 years on. the event has happened, everyone else is over it. i have proven that having ds when i did was a positive thing. we have a lovely home, i am on my way to being self employed and ds is thriving, a great wee lad who makes everyone smile. why cant she just get over it? i am not the person i was 5 years ago. it's just her that seems stuck in the past.

She has no life really, if you think about it though. She's stuck in the past because she's behaving and being treated like a child. You'll have the last laugh, methinks.

She is a scrounger and that probably makes her have esteem issues...like you said everyone else got over it years ago, try to ignore her but if she says anything more in front of your ds then you need to intervine i think