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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

SandSad's World Fell Apart a Little more

33 replies

sandsad · 15/10/2010 16:26

...to those who helped me on my previous thread. Thank you.

It is still going on Sad

OP posts:
1234ThumbScrew · 16/10/2010 19:08

S&S As I logged on this evening I thought of you and was planning to email you assuming things were on the mend. What a tosser - it does explain why he wasn't making as much effort as he should have been though. Is he remorseful? Big hugs to you and the offer of coffee/wine/large cake etc still stands.

Sandsad · 16/10/2010 19:08

Completely plastered Gettingeasier. It was a complete one off, and certainly not my intention when I went out! I rarely drink, and get raging drunk once or twice a year tops. Its not something I'll be doing again.

OP posts:
Sandsad · 16/10/2010 19:09

Thank you 1234 Smile

OP posts:
gettingeasier · 16/10/2010 19:10

Sorry Sand I was judging you by my own behaviour Blush

mathanxiety · 16/10/2010 19:12

Sandsad -- Sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry at all.

I never got to the bottom of my exH's lies. Even the one 'confession' he made to me struck me as very implausible. When it changed, and some other little details changed too, and I started finding porn on the computer while he was at the same time telling me we needed to go to counselling, etc., I felt I was being kicked in the stomach over and over.

I finally let go of needing to know the truth before making my huge decision, because I realised I would never get it from him, and piecing together pieces of evidence from the computer and from his phone was starting to turn me into someone I didn't want to be. It was the lies and not the truth, and his inability to see that it was the lies that were killing me, that did us in in the end.

I asked myself could I live with a man I basically didn't trust as far as I could throw, could I see myself ever having another child with him, did I want to live a dignified married life or did I want to be his Mother/Fidelity Police for the rest of my life, and how much help would he require in order to be a decent human being.

The part where you are now is the worst place a woman could be.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 16/10/2010 19:26

I understand what you mean Math in your last sentence, but in general I feel the worst time for a faithful spouse is when they suspect nothing, while having to deal with strange behaviour at home. I always feel the worst is over when you know, because at least then, you can make some decisions.

And in your case SandSad, I would prefer you to think of yesterday's revelations as an almighty blessing in disguise; you were in fact in a far worse position last week when you believed your H could change and that you could "fix" this.

Hopefully, you know now that he is beyond redemption. I doubt he could be faithful to anyone. If he is to be believed about who this is, he wasn't "faithful" to her either, was he?

This has got absolutely nothing to do with you, but all of us can see that your life would be an absolute misery if you stayed with him. You know how much I worried about your mental health at the end of your last thread and queried why you were suspending making a decision. I respect you for your reasons, but if you set yourself free from constantly wondering and obsessing about who he is texting or meeting this time, it will be like a weight lifted off your shoulders.

What are the practicalities to consider now? Could you move closer to people who can help? How will you deal with the children, especially your DS who was manipulated so shamefully by your H? I'm sorry I can't remember all their ages, but how much did they know about why you were having problems?

Sandsad · 16/10/2010 19:30

They don't know much about it at all WWIFN.

We are quite good at living a lie. No-one would suspect. I'm slowly telling people.

We've only just bought this house, so the financial implications are huge. I will go to CAB next week and find a solicitor. I spoke one one who sounded brilliant, but the fees were more than I have. I have no money and rely solely on what he gives me every month. He won't be an arse about it. He does love his children, there is no doubt about that.

He is just very good shutting us out.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 16/10/2010 19:33

WWIFN, yes, ignorance may be blissful at the time but when you look back on a time when you were just going about your life as you believed it to be, with the benefit of hindsight, it all looks so different, and you feel like such a fool.

Finding out is a blessing in disguise, even finding out a new lie. Because lies are truth in and of themselves.

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