This is weird, isn't it? Or is it normal?!

[notruddylikely]

Name changed I'm afraid, but just need to know whether this situation is odd.

I once got involved with someone from work, it didn't work out when something better came along, dealt with it, moved on, still felt a bit of something but deep down, knew he was a bit of a knobber (and suspect has narc 'qualities'). Sometimes saw him but not too frequently. They broke up and like a nobber, I kept him occupied for a bit if you see what I mean, but then he decided to end it with me and they got back together. I told him that I didn't want to see him or hear from him again - at least on a personal basis - I suspect our paths may cross again professionally, but I can deal with that.

All has been quiet - I have literally only seen him once, and I did say hello, not because I wanted to, but I didn't want to be accused of being unreasonable at work. He has been keeping his distance and I'm not sure if this is because of me (I actually feel bad that he thinks he can't come to the building, though to be honest, he's never had any regard for my wishes before). So I'm getting on with my life and he with his.

Yet last night, I received an email from his girlfriend asking if I would meet her for a drink and a chat. Now, I can't imagine she wants to compare notes, and he and I were never involved while they were together. Is this odd?

I have not responded.

Don't be to hard on yourself, if he is as manipulative as you say and does play these mind games, then the fact is that he is in your psyche...and so he may always have the capacity to 'spook' you and you might just have to accept that, although his capacity to do this to you will ease, especially if you totally refuse to engage in any way. In hindsight, if this e-mail has shook you up, then the best course of action is to do what your instinct is telling you, completely disengage..

I am trying very hard to disengage.

It's catching up on me - I laughed when I first read the email and now I am really shaken up and feel nauseaous. I am also wondering if I've heard the end of it, whether she is going to end up outside my work or what.

I'm so pissed off with myself right now.

It's horrible when they get inside your head like that. :(

Can you treat yourself to something nice, to help you relax a bit? Even a steep in the bath.

My initial reaction was he has hurt her in some way and she wants to see if he was the same with you. Does she know he spent time with you when they were on a break?

night out with the girls tonight oldlady! Should take my mind of it. Must not email back while drunk!

Yes phipps, she knows we spent time together while they were on a break. When we were together this time round, he told me how much she disliked me and had wanted to speak with me when they were together before. I cannot begin to imagine what stories she is being fed.

Of course she dislikes you. Her fella went back to you. I would stay out of it.

Night out an excellent idea, notruddylikely.

And yes, stay away from the keyboard when drunk!

Have a good one. :)

Stay out of it. He may have convinced her that you are a ManStealing Bitch and revved her up to the point where she wants to smack you one. Poor girl and all that, but it's still NOT your problem.

If she was reasonable on the message then I would politely respond along the lines of ...

"if really important, and in that case please explain a little, would meet you. however, have put that phase of my life well behind me and cant see what we would have to talk about"

be nice to her, shes not really dont anything wrong and he may also be treating her like dirt, but you dont need to be involved.

Just to update, had another day of text messages from her (while he was in the room next door to my office...grrr) asking me to please meet her - I took your advice pamelat. She responded saying she didn't want any trouble, just to put everything behind us, so like an idiot, I went.

It was all very bizarre - she told me what pub she would be in and texted me to ask what I would like to drink. (There is no protocol for that scenario, is there?!).
The good news is, I survived with dignity and no black eyes.

What she wanted was to meet me - apparently I've been this big thing in their relationship, and she wanted to meet me and be reassured that I'm just a normal person.

She also wanted to ask what signals I'd been sending out to her boyfriend that meant he was confident he could come back and pick up where he had left off. I honestly haven't given off any as far as I'm concerned but I understood that her loyalties lie with him so she's always going to take his word over mine.

She wanted to put things behind us so that she could feel like she could attend work socials without fear of me being there (I find this surprising that this would bother her to be honest).

Her final thing she wanted to say was that she wanted to make it clear that her boyfriend, despite what he may have said to the contrary, did not love me and never had done. Obviously, that smarted a bit, but I just told her I knew that.

So hopefully that's the end of that - she's been placated, she was nicer than I expected her to be. I'm actually mostly pissed off with him for orchestrating the situation. I can only imagine what the thought of us two talking about him was doing for his ego.