Can this ever be salvaged

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Long story...5 years ago after some traumatic times in our life DH and I parted..but eventually got back together and were I thought reasonably happy..happy enough to try for another baby who was born in April..it was a dreadful pregn ancy as I was in and out of hospital which put a lot of strain on DH as we had no other help..so DH had to rush around doing school runs, hospital visits etc whilst working..by the time DD was born..he was exhausted..

I had to return to work when DD was only 4 weeks old as I run my own business so we were both knackered as there were 3 other children too..I noticed that we seemed to co exist along side each other rather than communicate but put it down to new born baby, tiredness etc..we were still sleeping together though..albeit infrequently..

to top it all..just 8 months after moving into our rented house..we were served notice so have just moved house..it was so stressful..we we just snapped at each other..and then just before we moved..I suddenly realised that I couldnt remember the last time he actually spoke to me properly let alone touched me..I asked him what was going on..he said he felt dead inside and didnt think he loved me anymore

to make matters worse..it seems he got close to a woman at work and had confided in her..at first I thought there was something going on which he denied but he said he may have overstepped the boundries by being too personal with her

I started divorce proceedings..now he has begged me not to..saying he thinks hes been stressed blah blah..I think hes just scared of becoming a weekend dad

last night I discovered he had been messaging an ex GF on facebook..he refused to show me the messages saying I would go ballistic..but claims they arent sexual..that he merely rambled on about how unhappy he was..this morning hes begging me to give it another go..he has never as far as Im aware been unfaithful to me...I love him..I dont know what to do..

is there hope..or shall I continue with the divorce and move on?

Demand to see the messages.

If you go ballistic then it'll be for the right reasons. If he's worried you'll be hurt because he's been talking to someone else but not to you then so he should be. But that is a lack of communication IMO and doesn't necessarily need to be insurmountable.

If they are truly worth 'going ballistic' over then it's case closed, no?

Ask him how he proposes to resolve the relationship issues. Stopping divorce proceedings doesn't fix what's broken, it just pushes it all back under the carpet again. If he wants this relationship to work then he's got to take some responsibility too.

Of course, all this assumes that YOU still feel the relationship is worth saving. If you don't then it's all irrelevant anyway.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Having an emotional affair with a woman at work, spilling his guts (and probably more) to an ex and then refusing to show you the messages - those things alone would end it for me.

What do you hope will happen by staying in the relationship? How will it work?

It's not uncommon for marriages to break down after a long period of stress like yours. Couples often feel that, once they've seen their partner 'cold' like this, the emotional glue has gone and there's no going back. Unfortunately I don't think this is an assessment you can make properly whilst you're in the middle of it. You two look like prime candidates for couples counselling. If he's serious about wanting to repair your relationship he will be up for it.

I agree you'll need to know more about the messages; you may have to push hard for this in counselling (some counsellors still like to 'let sleeping dogs lie') but only you can know whether you're able to cope with demanding to see them, and reading their content, right now.

I also agree the important question is whether YOU feel willing & ready to build a new marriage, starting from here. A one-off counselling session on your own might prove helpful with that. I'm sorry you've been through so much this year: you must be knackered! Take a holiday if you can ... Good luck.

thanks all..I still love him..despite everything...but he we were to try again..he would need to commit to trying again and I agree that we both need counselling

well if both of you genuinely want to give it a go, then yes, there is hope, I agree with the other posters about you both having some counselling. I think you do need to see the messages though, otherwise it will just hang over you wondering what was said. Good luck.

I wonder if he needs to look at how he deals with stress - it seems like a bit of a pattern - that he indulges in emotional escapism in times of stress iyswim...

I'm with SheWillBeLoved. What is there to salvage exactly, and why would you really want to? Love isn't enough, you need a commitment to work at things and good communication between the two of you as well. And honesty

thanks..I think the honesty has died sadly....he has told me he cant show me the messages as he has deleted them..conveniently