My partner of ten years walked out on me and our 8yo daughter 6 days ago. Things hadn't been good for a long time and had got a lot worse financially - we were and are under huge pressure with debt and his job hours had been cut.
This is the second time he has walked out on a relationship where he has a child - when I met him he had a son who is now 16. He suffered enormous guilt over that - so much that I can't believe he's done it again.
Just after I met him, his father who had been violent and abusive died and it seemed to send him over the edge. Even though he'd grown up with a loving step-father, it seems the cycle had to be repeated as he became violent towards me. I got him to seek counselling as a condition of staying with him and things improved. We had our daughter but then, while I was pregnant, he attacked me and I had him arrested.
More remorse from him and he agreed to stay away from drinking too much - it was the odd binge that would make him flip. Our daughter was born and we were happy for a few years although I suffered post-natal depression. I got help for that and he was very supportive but as time went on my career (I'm self-employed) ran into trouble and money issues began to mount.
None of this was helped by the fact that our daughter was a terrible sleeper and remained so until she was 6. It tore us apart physically and mentally - he moved into the living room to sleep as one of us needed to be functioning to work and there he stayed.
Our sex life dwindled to nothing and, as time went on, he became more and more withdrawn which made me withdraw as well. He has never been an easy man but his desire to go out with his mates and live like a single guy grew. The odd night away turned into weekends away and he even snuck off on holiday with a mate while I had taken our daughter away for what I had hoped would be a family break. His excuse for staying back was that he needed to work when in fact he had his trip planned all the time.
Things deteriorated and I guess my self-esteem plummeted - instead of being violent he would say awful things to and about me when he got annoyed. When my mother died there were hideous family ructions and this was the beginning of the slow, painful slide to what has now happened. I think I've been quietly depressed since then and never knew how to reach out to him or to make our worsening relationship better.
Still, I hoped somehow we would stick to what we had agreed which was to stay together for the sake of our daughter. Then, in the past few weeks, as our money problems worsened he became odder and odder - going out jogging a lot (and yes, he really was jogging!), disappearing to make calls on his mobile outside the house and being very distant.
Then one morning he dropped our daughter at school, told her he loved her but would be away for a while and left. He called me two hours later to tell me that was it - it was over and he was never coming back. He was out of touch for 4 days and then texted so I persuaded him he had to come and talk to both of us face to face. That was today and it was hideous. He was cold and emotionless, telling me he doesn't love me, it's over and he should have left two years ago.
I can't sleep and my heart physically hurts - he has also walked out on his job altogether and is signing on so can't give us any money and I don't know what to do. We already get tax credits and I work from home but that hasn't brought in any significant income for ages. I have so many thoughts and fears churning around my head but mostly it's the pain I can't deal with. I want us to be a family again despite everything and I really can't see anything but a bleak future.