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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Q for those who have divorced or split from P - did you "know" it wouldn't work?

32 replies

RitaLynn · 12/10/2010 11:10

My very brief story is that I married XH 9 years ago, and divorced 2 years ago. However, before we married I had doubts (I knew he had a temper, but he had so many good points and I loved him), but I didn't listen.

My question is, if you've divorced, did you "know" when you married (or got together) it wouldn't work, or could the breakdown not have been predicted?

I ask this question because I wonder how good our "inner voices" are. I know, deep down, mine was right.

OP posts:

Justthisone · 13/10/2010 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lemonstartree · 13/10/2010 18:22

I had doubts, I knew in my heart it would not work, I did the 'I don't really like you' thing. I will NEVER do that again, even if I die alone ! took me 9 years to get too tired to even try any more

ValiumSingleton · 13/10/2010 18:44

Yes. I knew... I thought I could deal with it, put up with it. something like that, but I knew.

wilkos · 13/10/2010 20:58

I knew. but got carried away on the wedding tide AND He was my boss, so I knew I would lose my very well paid job AND everyone was waiting for it to fall apart which just made the exceptionally stubborn bit of my brain go " I will make it work and show you I am right"

and now 5 years later, two darling children, and a whole heap of emotional abuse from him, he is divorcing me for unreasonable behaviour after I kicked him out.

prettypurpledaisy · 13/10/2010 21:02

I had doubts when we married 17 years ago but thought it would all be ok. I have two beautiful children out of the relationship but knew it was not right for the last ten years but only had courage to go it alone a year ago.
Listen to the inner voice :)

yesyouknowme · 13/10/2010 21:08

No.
I had not a shred of doubt we would be together forever.

WE got divorced

whomovedmychocolate · 13/10/2010 21:14

First marriage I knew it was wrong the night before the wedding, I knew I was settling for something less than I needed and it floundered early on.

Still in second marriage.

I don't know honestly think we ever bloody learn though. The thing is you only repeat the patterns you know, I was lucky, my parents are still married and love each other (albeit after a bickering toddler fashion). So I do expect relationships to be slightly volatile but always loving. Which makes me likely to think that things will be fine and swallow down any doubts. :(

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