Why does it hurt so much when ex gets a girlfriend

[garageflower]

Ok, I rationally know that compared to a lot of people's situations on here, I am going to sound pathetic.

But here goes.

Broke up with long term ex ages ago. We'd been together for nearly 8 years and had a dramatic turbulent relationship and I have always known I'm not properly in love with him, with him for wrong reasons etc etc.

I've been fine. Until I have now found out he's finally moving on and has a new girlfriend. Suddenly, the grief at this failed relationship is overwhelming. I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart and lonely and cannot understand why I am so upset.

I don't want to be with him. I'm proud of the fact we've been civil to each other after causing so much pain and I'm relieved that I can now sort my life out.

But god it hurts.

Perhaps it's what you want for yourself? A new dp?

At this moment in time all I can think about is him and when I was with him, all I wanted to do was get away. It's ridiculous.

I have been thro exactly the same thing. I was never jealous in our relationship (& we had an open relationship). However, we split up 5 years ago & in that time he has had 2 g/f & i have been jealous (not that I'd ever let him know). The jealous feeling does get less - but not sure it ever goes away totally!! BTW - there is no way I'd want to be back in a relationship with him - life is so perverse isn't it!!

Joby - yes it is ridiculous. I don't even love the man in the right way, I know that. I have been perfectly fine without him but I suppose a small part of me liked the fact that he still loved me and would have done anything to get me back.

It is so so silly and childish, but I just suddenly feel incredibly lonely and fragile.

I know where you're coming from, garageflower.. but if it wasn't working for you, it probably wasn't working for him either. My ex dp got a new girlfriend a few months ago and she is absolutely gorgeous.. it hurts but I'm with a lovely dp of my own. It was my decision to leave the relationship.. we must both move on. :)

garageflower - it's probably because you've seen him hanging onto you for so long.
I was in your situation, except I got a new DP - ex was really clingy andwhiney, and I was sooo relieved when he got a new girlfriend!
I do know it's hard, though.
Hopefully, you'll be able to use this as a positivt experience to move on and maybe find someone new?

Yes - it's definitely the shock of 'oh, so he's not going to actually be in love with me forever is he?' combined with the fact that we were together for so long that while I only love him as a friend, reminders of him are everywhere.

Plus, this time last week he was still begging me for another chance. I refused as the little voice in my head said 'no, I don't love you in that way and haven't for a long time'.

I know he's had over a year of hurt and heartbreak and has finally decided to give up and seek comfort in a new start and it's what he should do.

It's just set me off on some weird heartbreak path myself.