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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me help my parents

6 replies

KittyTwoShoes · 11/10/2010 17:56

I'm worried about my parents' marriage. I know it's up to them, but obviously I don't want them to split if it can be helped.

My dad lied to my mum about money. He lost quite a lot of money he had invested in an Icelandic bank and was ashamed so didn't tell her. She found out and is, obviously, hurt about him keeping it a secret and is worried she can't trust him now. She also blames him for the money problems we're having now, which is probably unfair because he couldn't know the bank would collapse, but equally if he'd been honest from the start budgeting might have been easier and it wouldn't be so bad.

My mum is going through the menopause. As well as feeling very betrayed by my dad's actions, she has a very stressful job. She gets angry easily, takes things out on my dad, apparently comes home every day and yells at him, has a very short temper, etc. My dad is getting sick of it and starting to become unhappy with the situation.

They both love each other, though. Neither of them want to get a divorce, but neither of them are happy at the moment and it's starting to impact their relationship. Not having a lot of money is stressing everyone out, too, and it means they can't do nice things together like they used to.

Anyway, I know there may be more to it that they're keeping from me, and I know they have to work on it themselves, but if there is anything I can do or suggest to help them I want to.

OP posts:
scepticalface · 11/10/2010 22:29

My daughter and her boyfriend both invested in an Icelandic Bank that crashed but they both got it all back - every penny so hopefully your dad will too.

Tortington · 11/10/2010 22:30

counselling? don't know how you would bring that into a conversation though.

KittyTwoShoes · 11/10/2010 23:02

Really, sceptical? It was a lot of money, that would be amazing to have it back. How did they go about it, if you don't mind my asking? My dad has been told he 'may' get 'some' back between 2015 and 2024 or something like that...

That's what I was thinking, Custardo. I mentioned it to my dad once in jokey way but he just laughed - he didn't take it seriously. I'm not sure either of them would be easily convinced to go for counselling, really, even though I think it would help them.

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scepticalface · 12/10/2010 09:47

Yes I certainly will ask her when I can get hold of her - she won't have had a substantial amount in though as she is still in her twenties and hadnt been qualified as a doctor that long - it wont have been a humungous pile Im sure - she is very careful with money. I think her boyfriend advised her to do it and he is even more careful.

scepticalface · 12/10/2010 10:24

Hi Kitty - I managed to grab a word - she is just setting off for her MRCP exams today. She had a £3,500 ISa with ICEsave (?) but it was a small enough amount to be underwritten so she got it all paid back with most of the interest too. Maybe if you put the same post, minus the menopause, under the Legal threads there is one dealing with money and investments and you will get more professional help there. All the best.

KittyTwoShoes · 13/10/2010 09:39

Thanks sceptical. I'm glad your daughter got her money back :) My dad's was quite a lot more so I'm not sure if the same rules will apply but I'll go and ask in Legal. Thank you!

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