Gah - MiL!

[HMTheQueen]

Setting the scene: At a certain holiday park for MiL's birthday on the weekend. So me, DS, BIL, Uncle-in-law, Aunty-in-law, Cousin-in-law and MiL (I am widow, so no DH as a buffer between Mil and me)

I'm prepped and ready to be nice and friendly to MiL, as at the best of times, she irritates me. But - I'm ready to let it all wash over me - think water and ducks backs.

She's fawning over DS (only grandchild) - taking him swimming and playing with him lots. So far so good.

She spends mealtimes feeding him - spoon feeding him. He's 2.4. He can feed himself! She is constantly calling his name in this high pitched, whiny voice. She wants his constant attention. Leave him alone! He's busy playing - he doesn't need to look at Grandma constantly! Give him some space. Yes, he likes cuddles, but he also likes to play, which he can't while you are pinning him to your lap.

No - I'm not hungry, thank you. No, I don't want toast. No, I don't want cake. No I don't want biscuits. I'm not hungry

Yes, I remember where I parked the car (two days ago). And even if I didn't, what are you going to do about it? You don't know where the car is anyway!. No I don't need someone to come with me on a five minute walk. Yes, I know the way - because I am a grown up.

You are NOT my mother. You are DH and BiL's mother. You are DS's Grandmother - but you are not my mother. Stop treating me like a child!

Oh that feels so much better!

And breathe....!

Bit of a suffocating weekend then?

Guess it's over now. Possibly she thinks ds is the only link between her and her son.

My mil is like this and I know it can be hellish.

Hope you've got a nice week planned to compensate.

And I think you're an angel in a pair of jeans for going on holiday with your in-laws by yourself. Award yourself a bottle of wine!

Thank you - it helps to get it all out. I know she loves DS, but it's just so much to deal with when she's over the top like this!

At least Bil and the rest of the family were there to help me cope! Will definitely have wine tonight when I get home from work

Oh dear, I can feel for both of you. My Mum has lost her son (my brother) and caring for my children has really helped her cope with the grief.

On the other hand, I would be going bananas if I'd had a holiday with the ILs and didn't have a DH to buffer them, so rant away!

You deserve a medal. :)

She sounds like a right schizo! Way to go on having the patience to put up with her, sounds like she is so insensitive she would never pick up on how anyone else feels.

I bet your son was really grateful to get his mum back at the end of that weekend!

I guess you need to cut her some slack because she's lost her son. But of course, your slack cutting propensities are likely to be in short supply because you rightly need plenty of slack too.

I can't imagine how you have begun to cope with losing your DH and having to parent a small child alone (in v different circumstances to many single parents).

You do sound enormously together and I think you realise that it is (and may well always be) hard for MiL in the same way that I suppose things are likely to be a bit up and down for you.

Obviously, I don't know how long ago it was you lost your DH but I guess it will probably get better with your MiL if it is recent. If not, then I think that you may have to have a conversation with her soon about leaving DS to his independance some times. I suppose it's natural for her to want to cling on to this link with her own DS but it is not going to help your son and certainly not going to help you!

Poor DS was so knackered from the weekend, he was screaming at lunchtime yesterday - and just wanted me. MiL kept trying to offer him food, drink, toys, DVD's etc, but all he wanted was to snuggle with mummy.

Bless him, I think he was on sensory overload!

I'm not surprised! He was probably wondering why she wouldn't leave him alone too!

I think you're fab for going!

button you are so right - she wants the link with DH - he passed away when DS was 7 months old - so it is still relatively recent for us all. It doesn't help (or does it) that DS is the spitting image of DH at that age too!

She has taken very hard (rightly so) and has recently admitted that she needs help and has started on Anti-D's and is going to counselling. But she hasn't discussed it with me (I've found out from BiL and MiL's best friend). Apparently she doesn't feel she has a 'right' to be depressed as (and I quote) "HM is coping so well. If she can cope, I should be able to."

I have to cope - I've got a 2 year old to deal with on a daily basis! And also, losing a husband is a lot different to losing a son...

It's so hard when she won't speak about it, but just lavishes DS with all of her attention.

I'm having her, BiL and Fil & his partner for Christmas... maybe she will have calmed down a bit then? (Maybe I'm deluding myself )