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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I stay or go help...

12 replies

kellyandalice · 10/10/2010 23:07

Hi there, this is the first time I have wriiten on mumsnet, but just need some advice regarding my boyfriend.
We have been together over 13 yrs and the last 6 months have been terrible.
The problem is he is always at work..he works 60-70 hrs a week and comes home has his dinner and falls straight asleep. He sees our daughter for about 15 mins a night and me for about the same.
We hardly ever go to bed together as he is always asleep on the settee and I feel so lonely and sad as we never talk. when itry to talk he says he is to tired, and we have known each other for 13 yrs what his there to talk about!!

I feel like a one parent family and so lonely and sad about what has happened to us, whe rarly he does have a day off as normally works weekends we argue as he just his on the computer and it feels like he is not here anyway.

we have had a bad year his dad died a few months ago and ive had 2 miscarriages in the last 6 months. im just so unhappy with it all i considering going to stay with family for a bit. Any advice would be grear as i am at my wits end.
Thanks kel

OP posts:
Tortington · 10/10/2010 23:08

is he willing or able to change jobs?

Original poster
kellyandalice · 10/10/2010 23:09

No he says we need the overtime for money but we dont need him to do over-time all the time.

OP posts:
aleene · 10/10/2010 23:13

Does he seem depressed at all? maybe the stress of losing his dad is getting to him. And the miscarriages, how sad for you both.

Original poster
kellyandalice · 10/10/2010 23:16

Yea he says he is down sometimes but want really open up i have suggested going docters as well as he is also losing weight but he wont go.

OP posts:
aleene · 10/10/2010 23:20

I really feel for you because it sounds like he is struggling but doesn't want to accept help. keep talking to him. Make sure he knows it is important that you spend time together. Can anyone take your DD while you have some time alone? Try to be patient with him, and keep venting here if it helps.

Original poster
kellyandalice · 10/10/2010 23:20

I have trid to talk to him and be reasonable but nothing seems to get through and ive just had enough of trying i just done think there is any point.

OP posts:
Tortington · 10/10/2010 23:20

maybe you need a conversationa bout lifestyle

something along the lines of - lets sell up and downsize, you are more important to me

Original poster
kellyandalice · 10/10/2010 23:22

Yea my DD had a sleepover at her nana,s last night so we could talk and he didnt talk just was glued to tv and went sleep AGAIN on settee, woke up together though for a change and then had a big row today again!

OP posts:
Original poster
kellyandalice · 10/10/2010 23:23

We did that today and he said that the money from overtime is more important than me or d.d as we have security with money. Bascally he just wont budge on the subject just hope overtime dries up soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
kellyandalice · 10/10/2010 23:27

Thanks though everyone i will try and have another talk in the week and see what happens !!!

OP posts:
Tortington · 10/10/2010 23:33

so he wants the money over you and your dd? Hmm

yeah ...umm...NO!

Original poster
kellyandalice · 10/10/2010 23:38

He means we need security as i dont work. i want to work but childcre too expensive.

OP posts:
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