Think I have been manhandled.....please help me understand what is happening

[cositjustisok]

We always have had a lovely relationship but some thing has changed and I do not know how to fix things...tonight he grabbed me by my clothes but nipped my back doing so and pulled me into the garage to tell me what i had done wrong...so upset it has come to this.... my children seen this too.....that is why I am upset how he pulled me to tell me off. It hurt. Though so worried what the kids seen...they must be so upset...but to afraid to say anything in case he reacts...What I am asking is ...am I over reacting that he shoved me into the garage....please help me understand what is going on.......ios this what happens in realtionships when the going gets tough. Thankyou for listening.

No drink or drugs involved at all.

He has always had a temper and I have just not noticed it get "out of hand"..until I seen the kids faces when he is on one of his rants...made me really stop and think!! Thing is i think I am now getting as bad as him...so I am heard..does that make sense...now it has got to stop..I love my kids too much to let them see this is normal. I know its not.

cosit, When the good imes outweigh the bad times it is time to leave.

It is not ok for him to behave like this, he does not have the right to control you like this. Do you really want to spend the next 20 years plus walkinbg on eggshells wondering if he's going to kick off, or how aggressive he's going to get?

It seems impoosible to just up and leave, but it is not.

The important things are you and your kids, a few documents that can be obtained as duplicates and anything you can't bear to leave behind.

Please check out this link. No-one should be afraid in their own home.

sorry about typos I'm furious for you!

If you are frightened of the growling wolf I suggest you change the locks whilst he is at work tomorrow. Have a suitcase packed with his over night things waiting on the doorstep and explain, over the phone or with the chain on the door you need some space to think things through and he needs to sleep elsewhere for now.
I know everyone will tell you you cannot change the locks, but my DH's ex wife did exactly that and my DH accepted it because he did not want to make her life unpleasant (they fell out over something completely unrelated to this but even so).

mamatomany has given some good advice op. That's if you feel things are calming down enough to get through tonight.

Things now calm as I am in bed and he is down stairs on the xbox. My Stress levels very high but only cause I know I need to change things..he will be quiet tonight..heard him growl at the xbox...but thats not me right!!!!

Good idea from Mamatomany but I would have another support person with you and I would make sure I speak to WOmens Aid.

sorry I am not laughing at all. It's terrible that he shoves you around for ANY reason , I was merely struggling to imagine a scenario where rough manhandling might be understandible

Cos, you poor girl, this sounds horrible. ONe of the problems with violent abusive arseholes like your H is that they are 'nice' between the bouts of scary, nasty, bullying behaviour: this is all part of the pattern. This man has decided that he is your boss, your owner, and is therefore entitled to punish you when you are disobedient, and this is going to escalate.
Speak to someone tomorrow, when he's out, either (both, in fact) WOmen's Aid or the local police DV unit, get his attack on you and his intimidating behaviour on record.
It's perfectly possible to get him removed from the house and banned from returning. (Violent men lose the right to live in the family home because the law prioritises the right of the children to live in their own home without fear of violence. Even if the man owns the house.)

Thanks to everyone for your posts last night. yesyouknowme I was upset last night and read your post literally..not seeing what you really meant. I can see you were trying to help me see that what I had done did not deserve to be physically abused. Thanks.

I am still in shock about what has happened and trying to gather my thoughts about what to do..but I really cant think clearly...why am I so confused...feel in a right state.

If he's convinced you that this is all your fault then you are bound to be confused. It would be too easy for you to leave otherwise.

You have concluded already that you don't want your children growing up in this atmosphere so just keep that thought in your mind and phone someone TODAY about your situation. You deserve to feel safe and loved too but maybe you don't know that well enough right now for it to be a reason to leave.

Call Women's Aid, they won't push you into anything and may help you have some clarity.

Best of luck.

Thank you Hairymelons your right I am confused because I feel its my fault, and that I Made him push me...what I mean is I made him so angry that it was his only release...if that makes sense. Think I will ask him to go to his mothers house for a few days so I can get my head together.

HOrrible man. He does have one up on you because he doesn't care what the kids hear or see but he knows that YOU are responsible and that you do care and that's why you are not arguing back.

He's a coward and using the kids as a shield to take a pop at you.

It is NOT your fault. He's being horrrible to you. He's chosing to be horrible.

Good luck with that. Keep posting, there are some very wise ladies on this board who have been through it and come out the other side. And take care of yourself, if you feel like you're in any physical danger don't hesitate to call the police.

Really really - speak to someone (Women's aid) on the phone today - just to get some clarity on the situation and talk through your options. Not all the options are "leave him" if you feel you don't want to but they will help you work out how to tell him it's not acceptable and it has to start changing now!

things are "nice" in your own house as long as you don't rock the boat I expect, and the little wifey stays nice and submissive

I would worry for your children, that when they start standing up to him (as children inevitably do) what is he going to do then ? "Manhandle" them ?

Honey, you are not over-reacting, this is not right.

My relationship is bad, has been very bad, but this is not something I have had to put up with.

And neither do you. For the sake of your DC, please just call WA and tell them what you told us. Ask them if that is right, and ask them if there is any help they can offer.

Find out about finances, about houseing etc, go speak to CAB and start amassing the documents you need to set up life in a safe environment.

meantime, please stay safe. keep posting.

I do think you have to leave him, he really sounds dangerous, and no-one should have to live like that.

but you can only do things in your own time, and the steps I suggest you take are there to inform yourself, gather the papers, the forms, the knowledge so that you can see that actually everything can be prepared so that it all waits for you, for the day that you pick up your bags and open the door to go.

Knowledge is power, so sieze the power, and save yourself, save your DC, save your family from this dangerous person.

We're here for you. keep posting.