I'm sad

[BelleDameAvecBroomstick]

A relationship I should have ended years ago is, clearly, ending right now. I thought I didn't want it any more. I certainly don't want the hurt and the neglect of my feelings to carry on. I wanted things to change. Now they are changing and I feel sad and empty and old.

That's all.

hug?

be nice to yourself while this is happening.

Thank you... I just ordered a new pair of boots. That'll help.

Yes, new pair of boots, new hair do, fitness training...all good therapy. Sorry to hear

its tough....this might be me in a years time...just given dp a second chance.

meant to say....sympathies!

Hi Belle
Sit quietly and feel the sadness. Examine the physical sensation it causes you.
Embrace it and accept it is the pain of change happening.
All will be well.

Oh and have a stiff gin if you can xx

TopTulip I hope it isn't... I've given this one so many chances (he's DD's daddy and she adores him which has helped him keep his feet under the table) but I think we're at the end of the line now. It's just a bit sad. And I'm a bit stupid. I'm just not good at "men". You'd think, after seven years, I'd have realised he's not really going to change or ever put us first. Or even second, third, fourth or fifth. I just want him to put my baby first for a change. Hey ho...

This has got to be better for us both (DD and me) in the long term. It just hurts right now. I'll be ok though, I always am.

whenallelsefails I'm actually more likely to take up the advice in your name! I find tea enormously comforting.

My neighbour knows I'm sad and brought me Thai green curry for dinner followed by tiramisu for pudding. It's like "meals on wheels" for the down of mouth.

Actually, I should keep the misery going as long as possible and I may never need to cook again...

I love your name and feel your sadness.

What the tea lady said.

x

Thank you. x

Really sorry belle change of this kind is scary and miserable but hurt and neglect is nothing to be nostalgic about, I am sure much better times are ahead of you
of your dinner though

:) take care, if it feels right then it is.

Lucky, lucky girl with lovely neighbour!

my neighbour would bring me faggots
and she'd spit in them first

whenallelsefails what a lovely post.

BelleDame you do sound sad. As others have said, be nice to yourself.

hugs...lots....sleep well

Thank you all.

I have, of course, woken up feeling all flat and a bit sick inside but I feel alright too (if that makes sense). I know I'm hurt and sad on the outside but inside (ie longer term) I know I'm ok.

I'd have liked a few more hours sleeping but DD was having none of that!

Sorry ...quick hijack.
Ninah....thankyou thankyou thankyou
"hurt and neglect are nothing to feel nostalgic about"

I just stuck that on a post it on my wall, I recently ended a relationship, and have been moping and feeling miserable, because I miss him heaps. But you are so right, I don't miss being hurt, neglected or any of the other stuff that made it not work.

You sound sad but calm. Was going to wish you strength but you are strong - otherwise you wouldn't write as you do. So I shall wish you well, if that doesn't sound trite.
(Was feeling a wee bit sorry for myself tbh as my marriage is falling apart and then saw your quiet dignity & was impressed)

Monica thank you. I don't feel very quiet or dignified. If I didn't have to keep smiling for DD (3) I might be a bit more ranty and there would be a lot more wailing!

I am filled with thoughts of how I could make things very difficult for him; stupid, spiteful revenges. I will never do any of them but the thoughts come in nevertheless and they make me feel that I have some power that I am not exercising. I don't know why that helps or if it's healthy but it's there. I have been thinking of him too much so whenever he pops into my head in a positive way I just force myself to think of the crap stuff and off he goes again. This is all achievable because he is not around or contacting me and DD is here. I may find things more challenging tomorrow when she is at nursery and I am working from home. I may even go into the office to avoid it.

Thank you, also, for posting here when you have your own stuff going on. And apologies for the long response.

No apology necessary! Recognise only too well the impulse to rant & wail & yes, the thoughts of "Why can't you see?" & also "Why should I bloody have to spell it out?" & "Get it now?" And .. "It's too late now and I still don't think you really understand why" (may be over-projecting here...)

Going out to work may help. I started working again recently, so far only afternoons but a start & have been going in early - because when I'm there I can shut things off in my head.

Should start my own thread really. Haven't posted here for ca. 2 years, have been lurking for a while. Should cut the lurk-mode-cord.

Have lurkily admired your name for a while - no scary stalker stuff, honest

Hope you have a lovely day with your dd.

Ah, thank you... I did go and see if you had a thread

You're not wrong about the thoughts. The thing that he thinks I'm cross about isn't actually what I'm cross about at all. He thinks I'm angry with him because he doesn't spend enough time with us. Actually, I'm not. I know that his work is impossible at the moment (he's away four night a week) and that seeing his older children (previous relationship) is very, very important to him. I understand all that. What I am fuming about is that he says he will be with us and then doesn't let us know that he is not coming until I hound it out of him or it is the last possible moment. It's as if that makes it better. No, you arse, that just means that we're sitting around waiting for you to get here and then you let us down. Again. If you told me sooner, then we wouldn't be disappointed. We'd know. Obviously this sounds really trivial and it's just the last straw but it's just another indication of where we sit in his priority list ie at the bottom.

Today he will be playing football - right now probably. He does this every week. It's the "only thing he does for himself". He can make this commitment every week. He doesn't see his daughter every week. It makes me furious.

Soooo, moving on (swiftly), we will have a lovely day, I hope.

I hope you're ok. I really want to ask you about your stuff but think I may sound prurient and that's not how I mean it.

Thank you for your kind words - you have really helped me to feel much better.

Oh no, never prurient. It's helping me too, better than the echoing (sp?) thoughts in my head.

The "We'd know" or in my case, 'I'd know" ("you arse") rings so many bells I could fund several churches (were I so inclined) And that, BelleDame, is never ever trivial.

When I do start my own thread, I know you'll post and so will others and things won't be quite as bleak. So some sunshine on a Sunday. (alliterative crap)

All Three Ways i'm glad that helped
I know the feeling of missing someone who was in actual fact very self centred and made me feel dreadful
Just keep remembering how you actually felt in the relationship, not how you hoped to feel!
glad you are feeling a bit better today Belle

Thank you... I am. We're off to buy some fish (to go in a tank, not for lunch) but DD would rather watch Nina and the Neurons but I'm having none of it!

Wondering how you are today, Belle. Weekends can be long & lonely.
Re-reading this I was again struck by how kind & thoughtful MN posters are. Glad I de-lurked.

Wishing you better days.