He still pushes my buttons

[andthenthereweretwo]

Been apart from ex for 1 year but he still manages to intimidate, bully and verbally abuse me. Just had an arguement (he wouldnt let go of car door, verbally intimidating therefore I had to drive off with door open) when I picked ds up and then he texts me making it all seem as its my issue. He just winds me up so badly then I fall for it, say something in a bitchy tone (eg what time did you put him to bed then, hes shattered)and then he gets the upper hand by accusing me of being unreasonable. I know its his way of continuing to abuse me but I cant see my way out of this. I know I should keep calm and not rise to it but really struggle, any advice would be much appreciated.

Get someone else to do handovers?

Drop son off a few houses down the road and watch walk there if old enough.

Have son wait at gate with bag/bits and don't open door/let him in.

Only communicate by email. Reply but don't send for 24 hours. then read it again when you are more composed and edit.

Breath deep and thank your lucky stars he is an ex.....

Thank you for your advice. Sent an email AGAIN telling him what I thought of his behaviour and how it was unacceptable. Received an email back saying sorry for his behaviour but he wishes that I would stop being confrontational and then it wouldnt happen! My fault again obviously!! I will continue to communicate by email and try not to get drawn into conversations with him during our contact together as I get too emotional. I do thank my lucky stars he is an ex but unfortunately will not be rid of him completely for a very long time :(

I agree with Xales that you should have no contact apart from email and then only to make arrangements.

You say above that you emailed him to tell him 'what you thought of his behaviour'. Firstly, that is playing into his hands because you are emotionally engaging. And secondly it is going to get you precisely nowhere. If he was verbally abusive throughout your relationship, it's not going to stop now is it? Honestly, keep communication to bare minimum.

Thats helpful thanks, has made me look at my behaviour in a different way now. Not really much point trying to engage him anymore as it doesnt make a blind bit of difference and I didnt appreciate that I was still doing it until you pointed it out!

Hi, if your ex cannot behave at handovers, then tell him that you will not subject your child to the spectacle of his behaviour. Having him interfere with your car is dangerous, he must never repeat such behaviour. If he wants contact with his child, then he must set a good example. Consider having handovers outside the local policestation or in a public place such as Macdonalds or Tescos. Get someone else to do the handovers if possible, or have them take place in the neighbour's house. Consider letting him pick your child up from school alternate Fridays and returning him to school on Monday mornings. That way you need not meet. Bad behaviour such as you describe just has got to stop. If he cannot behave, then he is choosing to have no contact. Ignore him at all other times. Use a notebook to pass on necessary messages such as medication to be taken, and let that notebook go with the child. Such a notebook serves as good evidence of your good behaviour and his replies are evidence of his behaviour, if you ever go to court. Be brave, don't tolerate it. But be sure NOT to wind him up either.