I want to go on a weekend away DP is uneasy

[veryconfusedlady]

I have name changed for this basically the back story is I went out on a night out with my 2 friends last night, this is my first in 2 years now they have invited me on a weekend away next year. I am 21 and I was 18 having ds so I have not had much time to go out and do fun things like other girls my age.

I have only three friends one of them is my ex we went out for 2 months but things never seemed right so we became good friends instead. The other girl that was out last night is gay and going through a very bad breakup. The third friend who will be asked (she was not out last night)is a straight woman both women are 10 years older than me. I want to go as I have never been on a weekend away, Dp is nervous because my ex is going.

There are no romantic feelings on my side for this ex, there are also a lot of musing over his sexuality gay men quite frequently ask him out and he reacts differently to how other men react. These are my only friends and I have known them for years I have no one else I can go away with. AIBU or not?

I should mention the reason I have stated their sexuality is because I have had a relationship with a woman, so I thought it was relevant to put sexuality down so you are aware I will be going away with two people who possibly find my sex attractive.

It's really just a matter of trust. Either he trusts you not to shag any of the other people on the weekend (male or female) or he doesn't. If he doesn't then you've got bigger problems than whether or not you should go away for a weekend.

It's entirely normal for attached women with children to go away without their family for a weekend. I do it two or three times a year. In fact I would go further and say not only is it normal, but it is entirely necessary for your sanity

Thank you I am pretty sure I would be okay with dp going if the situations were reversed, I can't answer honestly because he has not remained friends with his exes.

No I don't think YABU. Is your DH the father of your child? Just asking because, if he is then (if my maths is right) you've been together at least three years, and you were with your ex just two months. And your DH has been quite happy about you staying friends with your ex?

You're young and should be able to go out and enjoy yourself from time to time, as should your DH. For the sake of your sanity, some time off from being "Mum" is a good thing.

Yes polly the children are dp's I am 22 next month so we have been together 4 years . He has always been happy with our friendship polly however some of the boys in work wind him up about it and that seems to be casting some doubts.

I've got to be honest and if I was your dh I would be uneasy too.
I trust my dh (as much as I could trust anyone) however I am also fully aware that when people are away in a different situation and potentially large amounts of alcohol is involved I know that things sometimes happen that one would never consider when sober.
Would you really be that happy if the roles were reversed? A male friend has at times offered for me to stay at his house (in a spare room obviously) after work nights out, it would be easier, however I would not do this as I would not be happy for my dh to do it if the roles were reversed.
You deserve a weekend away and I can see the difficulty if these are the only friends you say that you can go away with, but I think you do need to consider your husbands feelings. And the fact that you were only with your ex for 2 months is not really relevant because there must have been some attraction in the first place which is perhaps what your dh is worrying about.

Morleylass there was no attraction he was going through cancer treatment and I had just got out a abusive relationship, I was only young but my ex raped me. We more got together because we were confused. My dp does have a few very good female friend (not ex) who I would be happy for him to go away with.

Oops forgot name change oh well I had changed a few details so as to avoid being recognised.

Also if it help the split was mutual we decided together as we never had that cant keep your hands off each other it always seemed like a chore if you can see what I mean.

But I do want to respect my partners feelings which is why I asked here for a honest answer.

Big or very confused

From what you say I'm sure that nothing would happen and I'm sure your dp is too, but for some reason he feels a bit uneasy. I think you need to discuss with him what you could do to alleviate this feeling. Perhaps you could agree to be in contact at certain times.
I wouldn't view this as a negative (unless of course you feel that you are overly controlled in your relationship), he clearly cares enough about you to be concerned.
I hope you can find some way of working this out,
best of luck

Thank you I have tried pointing out this friend comes round to see me at least once a week sometimes twice while dp is in work so if we had any intention we would have already done something, we are not secretive dp talks to him too he stays for dinner and sometimes stays on the sofa so dp knows him very well. I am making head way slowly . I lost all my friends after my rape allegation they didn't believe me so I find it hard to make friends that is partly why I only have these ones.