How to cope with difficult relationship when decision not to divorce!

[loisebony]

Hello everyone
Have posted before regarding trying to live 'sort of differently'

My H does have aspergers-I realised this after researching it etc-put the diagnosis to him-he agreed......then later got defensive about it but he certainly has a lot of the 'traits' (it explains our difficult relationship)

What Im after is advice from people who have very nearly divorced but then decided for all concerned (children,finances) etc etc then it was better to try and make relationship work BUT make big changes and stick to them (rules) ???

I have to learn more about his behaviour and he certainly has to accept mine more-Im more sociable, like to talk, emotional etc

I am in counselling

Just had major blow out with H over last 6 weeks -caused a lot of hurt etc-it makes me feel mentally ill and the stress of suggesting Divorce/seperation is horrendous (this is 2nd marriage)

2 Teenagers 14y(quite confused, affected by turbulance)12y both boys.

Can these marriages work? I am independent can find lots to do-do work-the break up of a home though does scare me-I would like to avoid it.

So anybody else having to cope with a sometimes 'difficult' marriage/relationship?

Thanks for reading

I suppose it's about negotiating a compromise that you can both live with and which you can both see clear benefits for you in. As in, OK, you are accepting that your H has Aspergers, but it's important that he makes some sort of effort to make you feel better and meet some of your needs, otherwise you won't be able to cope with this long term (the idea that you are sacrificing yourself for everyone else's benefit with no benefit to you).

I am in a similar position myself - attempting to build a life desite the less than perfect marriage I was born for (ie far from my blueprint of happy ever after). DH and I have had 18m of ups and downs and finally faced up to splitting up in August. The grim reality of this was too much for both of us and we are now trying to build a workable solution. We are good at being friends and love each other but he is not in love with me any more. I love him totally and this is pretty difficult to bear. We are both in counselling together and seperately. I dont know what the future holds but for now staying together feels right for me and our 2 DC. I just hope that I dont regret it in years to come.