I'm feeling very guilty for even posting about this here. But I'm very confused and I'd like a bit of perspective from other people.
Is it normal in a relationship to be sworn at, at the drop of a hat? or am i being very old fashioned?
It could be something like "F off" (followed by walking off, or not, or brushing past, sometimes roughly). Or something like "Scrw off"; i was called a 'stupid b' once. and me not being allowed to explain properly (am not a very eloquent speaker- not very articulate when put on the spot- so tend to get cut off or swamped when yelled at). have tried in the past to write a note explaining my thoughts but it triggered a terrible reaction- if i remember correctly, storming off and sleeping in the other bedroom.
The trigger could be something like pointing out that we are on a bus lane, or that i won't cross that particular road (with the pet) at a point that's not the zebra crossing. or even trying to leave the house or packing to go somewhere.
or like today, where i feel the anger at being served late (it was quite delayed) at a food stall was transferred onto me, when i didn't want H to pick up the really greasy food from my box with his hands and handed him the cutlery i was having it with. we ended up having a row on the street corner because he interpreted my reluctance to let him pick up the food with his hands as a reluctance to either share my food with him, or not wanting him to touch my food (whereas it was literally only because the thing was dripping oil). my handing cutlery to him was refused because he wanted the other cutlery (which had fallen in my haste to get up because he wanted to leave). then he wanted to again cross the road with the pet, did it anyway (i went to the zebra crossing) and walked off in the direction of home. i followed and was told to hurry up because he was waiting.
it may have been a warning sign before we were married when i would get blamed for taking a particular route if there happened to be a traffic jam on that route but i loved the man and paid no attention to it. i may have been a doormat till now but something in me has almost had enough.
anger management promises have been made even though my suggestion of counselling was rejected a few years ago. but at the rate of a flare up a day now it doesn't seem to have been very successful.
i am feeling guilty as i say, even writing about this, and i know that it's difficult for anyone to explain or understand the complete context of a marriage, and i don't wish to come across as a saint.
but i certainly haven't had an affair or been physically or emotionally unfaithful, to merit such anger, and i certainly don't start the abusive language. on occasion i have yelled back but hated it, because that's not really what it should be like. plus if/when you had children what sort of example would it be in front of them?
i have had some time at a distance to think things through and though i love H dearly and he loves me too, the daily emotional tension of having such a volatile relationship is eroding my love.
PS- Sorry about the HUGE post. i just realised how long this has become.