H does not to pay for his mediation costs, despite me offering to go halves with him.

[pleasereassure]

The facts are as follows:

H left in April this year. I wanted him to leave as things were awful. We have no savings at all, all of our money is tied up in the house.

He immediately moved into a flat locally with a new GF. All happened very quickly. He has seen DC on a handful of occasions, but dips in and out as he so chooses. We can go three weeks without hearing anything from him.

Financially, he has not paid a bean. i haven't pushed the issue as I am in the marital home and I can understand that it is hard for him to set up house all over again.

He works full-time. His GF works part-time.

On my side of things, I have tried to keep everything as normal as possible for the DC. I work school hours and earn just over minumum wage. I pay for everything, including a variety of after school activities. School uniform, school shoes...all provided by me.

Mediation have decided that he does not clarify for legal aid. I do. Despite my solicitor advising me that I was bonkers, I offered to go halves on H's mediation costs, just to get everything sorted. H has refused, saying that he cannot afford half of his share.

H has asked to sort things out between the two of us. He doesn't understand that this cannot work as I always end up crying after ten mins of conversation with him.

He wants me to pay out his share of the house so that he can begin paying maintenance. I can't get him to understand that he is legally obliged to pay maintenance anyway, regardless of the money in the house.

It has been almost six months. He has been co-habiting with new GF for three months, and obviously providing for her.

I have £93 in my account. To pay for his legal fees will literally take food out of our DC mouth. The alternative is to let the solicitor start legal proceedings and simply tell the court that H will not attend mediation.

I feel frustrated because I've been brought up to WORK for things...if I couldn't afford something I would save and work extra hours. These are his DC and he simply doesn't care that we are struggling.

What is my next step?

Bump

Do you need to divorce him? What will this gain you financially?

You could just decide not to proceed with divorce, get a separation agreement and let him deal with it.

I've a funny feeling that the government are going to make a big announcement regarding legal aid. I'd tread very carefully.

Yes, I'd be happy with the separation agreement. but he won't come to the table.

The only alternative is for my solicitor to state to the courts that H will not attend mediation and do it all via court. This will mean heavy fees for both of us, despite me being on legal aid, as they recoup costs when the house is eventually sold. Solicitor also feels that the court don't feel favourable to people who turn down mediation (obv if there are no DV / abuse issues).

BUT it would be so much easier and cheaper to simply talk, via mediation.

What do you mean about legal aid...do you think it's going to go?

I earn a pittance.

It's just a hunch about the legal aid going and I'm sure all will be revealed next week.

There is no compulsion in this country for a parent to look after their children or see them if that parent has left the marriage. No court in the land can compel the parent to see the children. This is what my solicitor told me.

Contact the CSA. I think they can retrieve his maintenance payments from source.
I take it you have joint ownership of the house? Then stay put for as long as you can.

What do you want from mediation? You need to state exactly and simply what you want.

Just to add. I've decided not to go ahead with divorce proceedings. It was causing too much hassle. I now feel liberated and settled. This is a big exam year for two of my children and my youngest is still extremely upset (he's also autistic). I just want a year of peace after the turmoil.

By doing this I've heaped the responsibility onto my husband and his partner. They can sort it out between themselves.

All I want is to get the finances sorted, basically. I am happy in my family of three and his antics no longer concern me.

His slamming of my door and ranting at me last night about him being broke simply made me even calmer.

I too am focusing on my children. It is just hard when I'm having to reign in their activities because their father is simply not providing.

I am staying in the family home for the rest of my days. However, I want the separation agreement to lay out whether I buy him out now, or when the youngest is 19. I need to know this info so that I can get on with my life.

If he refuses to pay maintenance the CSA is your only option as the courts don't deal with maintenance. It is the bare minimum though (my ex p has £18 a week deducted from his wages as he refused to pay for many years)

I would speak to your solicitor about what would happen if you don't do anything. ie you give him the option to go to mediation or he takes you to court. It's about £150 to apply to the court for a hearing before any solicitors costs so maybe he would prefer put his money towards mediation?

your solicitor can draw up a seaaparation agreement and send it to him to agree without mediation/court.

then if he contests it would be up to him to take it further?

Really, Cest La Vie? Really?

What if he failed to contest it? does it simply become binding?

I have bent over backwards to do mediation. I have been the most reasonable woman with regards to access. I have not badgered him about money as I know it has been hard for him starting again.

But six months down the line it needs to be sorted. And I have been so reasonable

Sorry but if it's a separation agreement he has to agree to it. If he failed to contest, it doesn't become binding.

I think cestlavie means that you can avoid the costs of mediation or court if you do it this way.

Ah ok. Makes sense.

Oh well. I suppose it will all come out in the wash.