Those of you who are alienated from one or both of your parents

[dejags]

Do you worry about their health and wellbeing and think about how you will cope if you hear that they are ill?

I haven't spoken to my parents for 18 months and not likely to either. Despite the issues I have and my anger towards them I still worry about the day that I get the call to say one of them is ill or worse.

Does this make me a hyprocrite?

Not a hypocrite - just human.
I haven't seen my father for 13 years and have no intention of ever doing so again - I have thought a lot about what I will feel when he gets seriously ill or dies and I think I have accepted it - I feel as if he is dead to me already.
What i didn't expect is to transfer so much of my affection to my father-in-law who is now seriously ill and I am dreading the day that he gets worse..I have no right to feel so much for him and must support dh but he's the nearest thing to a real father that I have.

I guess the answer is only known to you, you know the reasons behind your estrangement and you know if the benefits that the estrangement brings are worth the heartache later.
In my case I am sure that it is.

I too have reconcilled myself with it. I doubt I'd be told if he did die (no address for me) and I wouldn't really want to be. I used to wonder about this, but I'd really rather focus all my love and attention on my SD, who is called 'grandpa' to DS. It's what he is. My father has been nothing but a negative presense or damn right nasty. Not worth the emotions. Am well aware I may feel differently if he did die, but ATm I very much doubt it.

that's interesting. we have a lot distance between us (geographically) and it would be very difficult to "be there" if one of my parents were ill.

One of our big problems is control. My father is a control freak, and I have a bit of good girl/guilty daughter syndrome. I think I would be guilted into going to see them.

I truly dread this day.

It'll be my siblings that make it difficult for me. They have regular contact with my Dad and berate (sp?) me for my 'attitude' I haven't had contact with him for almost three years now. I don't feel I'm missing anything by having no contact with him, in fact my life is all the better for it, so the day that that call comes I think I'll cry more for the relationship we should have had rather that the dad I've 'lost' - that man's been gone a long time.