Do you think that we have a problem? I need some perspective.

[TheBreastmilksOnMe]

I have been with DP for nearly 5 years now and we have a 2yr old and one on the way. I think this is mostly about sex TBH. I am 6 mths pregnant and apart from trying to conceive this baby I havn't felt like sex at all. I just have no desire. I am also BFing. DP would love sex every night of the week if he could but I just don't.

I'm not even fond of kisses and cuddles right now either. I don't know if this is just a phase or if this points to real problems. DP is very understanding and would never push me but I worry for him and our relationship. How do I unravel this and find out what the real issue is?

There is no issue, it's perfectly normal.

Pregnant and breastfeeding? It's no wonder your body isn't as responsive as normal.

Give yourself a break, reassure your husband that most women go through this when having babies, it's not a reflection on your relationship unless there are other issues.

Really Malificence? I hope so as I have been feeling really guilty and I find it hard to reassure DP when I don't really know what I'm feeling myself. Is it fair on DP? I just feel guilty for pushing him away when he is so loving and caring.

It's certainly not unusual. And all credit to our DH for not pushing it.

Your body is not your own at the moment. You are "giving" 24 hours a day, producing and giving milk, as well as growing this new baby. Not surprised you're not up for any more sharing of yourself, even with cuddles (as there's often a subconscious fear that it'll give rise to an expectation of sex).
But try to keep your DH in the loop, as it were, so he at least knows it's not personal. Talk to him, explain how it is, be nice to him in other ways.
(I speak as someone who didn't and my poor DH went through some dark days. We got through it though, and are better now than ever before).

Sex normally takes a bit of a backseat when you are raising small children, as long as you keep communicating with him and he realises that you aren't rejecting him then I'm sure you'll be fine.

You're just in baby-making mode, with a 2 year old and one coming very soon, your body is prioritising and unfortunately your partner is the loser here.

Keep talking and reassuring and I'm sure you'll be fine. Is everything else in your life ok?

Gosh, I remember being filled with dread when the health visitor came to do my six week check, and told me i was good to go in the bedroom again. I was terrified Think it was the thought it would be painful, but also, as i was breastfeeding, I really didn't want dh seeing my breasts as 'his' during sex, iykwim?

I think you are simply tired, hormonal due to pregnancy and bf. Are there any other niggles worrying you?

Is everything okay between you otherwise? Are there things you're worried about? Are you holding a grudge against your dp--or vice versa? Does he pull his weight with childcare and around the house?
Very often if there are issues that haven't been cleared up that can stop you feeling like being intimate with your partner even if you're not actively thinking about them.

At this stage it is mostly that you are 'all touched out' and it;s very hard to switch mentally between all the tactile stuff that's maternal and touch from another adult that's sexual or might be. As long as you keep reassuring your H (and he keeps pulling his weight domestically and not moaning about the lack of sex while doing bugger all to help you) it will pass and things will be fine.

I'm going to get absolutely flamed here, but why not stop breastfeeding your 2 year old? It's hard to feel like sex when you're breastfeeding - your body doesn't feel like your own (and I know what I'm talking about - I've breastfed two children for 18 months and a year) and you need all the energy you can get.

If your child wakes up to feed, you should find that stops if you stop feeding, and that will give you more energy, too.

Thanks for the replies everyone. Everything else is ok just getting a bit boring after 5 years being together, child rearing and money being a bit tight.

DP is very good around the house and very understanding so I am lucky to have him which just makes the guilt worse.

Yes, I do feel hard switching between the touching from a young child and growing another one and then not wanting to be touched in a way that could lead to sex. There is a subconscious 'resistence' to sex at the moment.

atswim- I know what your saying about BFing and sex but I don't want stopping BFing to be my choice. I want it to be DS's. I enjoy the closeness with him and the nourishment he gets from it physiologically and emotionally. I also think that it will help a great deal with any jealousy and insecurity issues he may have after his sibling is born if he still has a piece of me that is familiar and comforting.

I feel better about the whole thing as you have all made me realise it is a transient issue mainly to do with my physical circumstances now and not some deeper issue. I will have a chat with DP about it next time it comes up (the issue I mean ) and hopefully he will feel better about things and so will I. Thans again for helping me to clarify things.

But at what point would you stop if you are always waiting for it to be his choice? I know how sad it is to stop breastfeeding, but you do have to stop at some time! If he thinks it's a normal thing to do (and why shouldn't he?) then why would he ever think of stopping?

Do you intend to tandem feed?

I would've thought it would be easier to stop whilst you're pregnant so that he has a few months of not feeding - he will have forgotten about it then when the new baby is born.

He is more likely to feel insecure if he's wanting to feed but you are having to feed the new baby.

Sorry, I know this isn't exactly what the thread is about!

He will stop when he wants to and if that makes him 2, 3, 4 or 5 years old then so be it. Naturally. Yes, I intend to tandem feed, providing that the change over to colostrum doesn't put him off. If he is wanting to feed whilst the baby is feeding then I don't see a problem with it, he can just have the other breast!

good for you, TBOM!