I'm uncomfortable with some of y oldest friend's views

[create]

I've know her since we were 6, were best friends in Juniors, at different secondary schools, but kept in touch, back at the same school for 6th form and spent our clubbing years out together almost every night.

I don't see that much of her now, as our lives diverged when I had my DCs 10 years before hers, but we keep in touch by phone/email and have a big night our maybe 4 times a year.

So, whilst we're perhaps not that close now, she is my oldest friend and I would absolutely rely on her to be there for me in a crisis.

But, she has some extreme political views, incredibly vocal (offensive) about immigrants "taking our jobs" "they're here for the benefits" etc All crime is down to "gypos". TBH it hasn't bothered me much up to now, we don't generally have intellectual debates when we're out on the town and I gave up arguing years ago and just change the subject now.

But she sends the most awful racist email "jokes" despite me telling her numerous times that she could get me into trouble at work and that I don't like them (she thinks I'm joking )

To be fair to her, it's not all her fault. I distinctly remember my 9yo self standing in her kitchen when her dad told me he was glad MT had been elected because she was going to "send all the p**is (sorry) home". To the credit of my 9yo self (and my parent) I was shocked to hear him say it, even then on the 70s, but that's what she grew up with.

Anyway, she's basically a good person, always there for her friends, never let you down etc, but I know I have started to avoid her (or her views) but, she's my oldest friend and knows more about me than anyone else. Is there a way to stay friends?

i have a friend a bit like this. like you i have known her for years and she is actually my oldest and my best friends
she isn't quite as bad as your friend, but she has been brought up by DM reading, tory voting parents whose views she has basically taken on

i deal with it by either ignoring it, or giving her my view.
so when she says that forriners are taking all her jobs i just give her my view on that.
i also wouldn't have any qualms about telling her i thougth she was out of order if she came out with anything particularly nasty tho

I detest racism of any kind..including this whole debate on 'send them all home because they're taking our jobs'..I have a couple of friends..admitabily not close..but they know to avoid the subject with me..you need to tell her in no uncertain terms that you find her views offensive and whilst you are happy to talk about the subject and show her a different point of view, as she unlikely to change her thoughts, then don't talk about it at all.

Tell her that you don't wish her to send you any offensive jokes or have this discussion with her...on another note, if she is sending these 'jokes' to your work e-mail address then you're right, you could get into serious trouble and as your 'friend' she should respect that.

Hi OP. Interesting post!

Antalya1 is right, your employers have the legal right to access your work emails and depending on your profession, could use them to terminate your employment.

As for your friend, forgive me but I don't agree with the premise that people are racists just because they protest against the extinction of their culture or economic hardship due to mass immigration. I do find their arguments to be flawed though. Are they suggesting that there are Highly skilled experienced British workers who can't find jobs and that these jobs are being given to foreigners? or that they are happy to work for sub-minimum wages and in sub-human conditions but are denied this privilege?

What else has she said that offends you? has she made debasing comments about other races? If in the future, one of your DC married an British born immigrant/ethnic minority and had bi-racial children, would you ask her to be the Godmother?

Hopefully your answer will confirm whether she really is racist or just has extreme political views which should be discussed with other disaffected British working class thus preserving your friendship.

Sorry about the long post

Can I just say that SurreyAmazon is not me.

Bit uncomfortable with her name.

Re the emails, tell her that if she sends you any more, you are going to block her email address because your employers would sack you for having that shit on your computer. And if she ignores you, do it.
If she starts ranting in conversation, say 'Darling, don't talk such bollocks' and change the subject. If that doesn't work you will probably end up distancing yourself from her.
I have one or two acquainances who occasionally come out with DM-esque views, I usually tell them to belt up.
Unfortunately my dad is like this (and getting worse) - I cut him a bit of slack as he's my dad and nearly 80 but will tell him to shut up if he says anything in public.
It is hard when bigotry is entrenched in otherwise nice people and you have my sympathy.

Can I just say that UnlikelyAmazonian is not me (Hint; Huge clue in the word 'Surrey')

Bit uncomfortable with her name.

SA

Can I just say that I wish I was SolidGoldBrass.

Quite comfortable with her name and her views.

SA

Nice.

UA

Can I just say I am not SurreyAmazon either.

I am SolidGoldTaps.

Thanks.

Create, I think the easiest thing to do would be to say to your friend, "I don't find your jokes funny and don't agree with your opinions. Please don't send me anymore joke emails, as I won't read them."

tech nice to see someone else normal is awake

whatever the hell normal is

I'm not normal, I'm at work.

Oh dear. that is very not normal indeed. FedEx? I am working too. After a fashion.

I work in IT, on nightshift this week.

Most of my MNing is done on my nightshift. It's a welcome outlet while I tear my hair out.

What IT needs to be done at half two in the morning?

I did that working nightshifts too. Ended up reading and talking about the weirdest things :D. After a month or two of 12-hour night shifts 5 days per week just sitting around waiting for well-constructed systems to break, well, you sort of run out of internet :D

Far too bloody much.
I work in a data centre, so we look after the systems for lots of clients. Any work we want to do on them, has to be done out of hours. We also have plenty of things going wrong with them.

I'm working 7-7 and rarely get time for a lunch break, is that busy enough?

What are you upto, then?

I am way out of my depth but can I join in anyway? I have terrible insomnia tonight

I am eating a McVities digestive with lashings of butter and cheese. Cant sleep. Do you have to go into places to fix their IT systems or can you do it from home via internet etc?

I've finished the internet.

Problem is that our systems break constantly so I've got over 100 problems to work on, plus 15 pieces of planned work. That's just tonight. There's 2 of us here at night, looking after 3000 servers.

UA feel free. If you wish to talk about anything but IT, please do!

actually you said data centre.

Kitchen? Or get into car to drive there?

latter probably

Ok.

Can't think of anything.

I'll shove off.

I have to come into the office. Which is a dreary place, with hardly anyone here. Around 3am, I start to flag. We call it the suicide hour and it's when we have to double check our work as we start going a bit mad.

No, don't shove off.

We have a tiny kitched, with a tv in it. It's too cold there though.