plenty of fish am i mad ?

[wornoutbyarguing]

oh dear dont know where to put this.
been seperated after 10 years of marriage which i am glad to be out of.

hubby was a porn addict and cheated on me .on our wedding anniversary in june found him trying to look for prostitutes locally on line,,,,ok that was the end for me,and i moved out my 2 dds.love my new flat,new job new life....but u know that little niggle,,,

im 45 dont want to just be working and doing the kiddie stuff,,im a school gov .pta mum,do charity work and just thought well what about me for once

so i joined plenty of fish last friday,,,,put one of my nice piccies on and god almighty have have had about 40 local guys chatting,,,panick panick

one guy wants to meet for coffee in a cafe and guess what i am scared to death,,,,,,just a goddam coffee..lol

has anyone had any experiences good or bad,,,any tips /warnings etc.

after 10 years of being a doormat just want to have a nice date ,chat
thanks

tara xxxx

PoF is a bit of a meat market if im honest.

you will find some genuine lovely guys who just want to meet someone but for every one of those there will be 10 who just want to piss about/want no strings sex.

My advice would be to chat to them a bit before commiting to a "date"
make sure that you are both clear as to what you are looking for and are happy with that.

Then take the plunge. You will undoubtedly meet a couple of men that you cannot wait to escape from but then equally you will find a some that are lovely.

I wish you the very very best of luck

thank you gigantaur

feel like ive been in a misery pot for years and suddenly getting,some compliments on a site from guys completely blows your mind lol

def dont want to do one night stand thing but some light banter and flirting would be nice .x

oh dear dittany i never thought of it like that

Dittany is right.
PoF is a great starting place, just for the testing teh waters stage and to help practice the technique of saying "thanks but no thanks"

because it is free to sign up you get people on there that aren't necessarily serious about finding someone.

Enjoy the flattery, embark on some fun banter and flirting but keep some healthy scepticism in the back of your mind.

give it a few weeks until your confidence is a little higher and then consider using a service that requires payment. that way you can ensure (well as much as possible) that you will be able to find those who are seriously wanting a relationship rather than a fling.

im kinda naive i guess mum ,sorry dittany .lol

i think ive been so starved of self respect and self esteem over the years any crumb of attention seemed better than none.

no i am def not after one thing,far from it
i like mumsnet you get the advice given straight .

i had so much valuable support on herewhen i wanted to end my marriage it was fab to get thru the dark days

so thank you.

think i will have a cold bath now rethink it all

Tara xx

I'll give another side here. I signed up on Saturday on the recommendation of a friend. I've been single for almost 3 years now and have had a terrible time, PND, anxiety, lots of things that have seen my confidence plummet and my trust in other people become non existant.
I have had lots of emails but it's so easy to just ignore them and block the user. It's obvious if they're not the kind of person you're interested in. It's also easy to see who are the 'players' who obviously message everyone. But I now have 3 guys I'm chatting to who seem really nice. If nothing else, it's helping me get over my 'everyone's a bastard' beliefs. I'm sure there are plenty of tossers on there, but I really don't get the horror and dire warnings I've seen on here. I don't intend to meet anyone just yet, I'm building my confidence and tbh I think it's a good way of doing it. I'm going on a rare night out this weekend with my friend, and she said thst this would build my confidence, and it has. I'm young, interesting and a bit gorgeous actually but for so long I've hid in the corner and been very cynical when I do go out, then get home and think, what a waste of a babysitter. I find it very hard to strike up conversation irl, but this has made me more likely to do so tbh.
If you're on there lookign for someone to marry, I don't think you'll be in love. But for a bit of a confidence boost? Don't invest too much in it, and it can be fabulous :)

In love????
in Luck

totally agree with boo

ha ha booboo

its also interesting to hear from another point of view too.

1 guy i have been chatting to quite a lot
have checked he has the blocking message thing on his and dosent want ,sex partners or activity partners either,,looking for a friend .
its kinda hard to bulid up your self estem after a long time.i have trouble chatting guys in real life too especially if they are single and hunky lol

i can chat to anyone else til the sun comes up

i think i will keep chatting to this guy but not arrange a date,,,i dont want to get into anything i regret
if hes genuine he will wait if noit oh well thats life
xxkeep in touch and let me know how you get on

As others have suggested, it really is better to go onto one of the paying sites...they tend to have less 'players' on there...although they will still have them.

Take it at your own pace and don't be pushed into arranging a date to soon, exchange e-mails for a while that way you get a little more feel of what they are about.

It's a good way to help build the confidence and have a little flirt, however again, if you just meet players then that really won't help your confidence...again another reason to go on the paying ones. Dating Direct Affinity seems to be a site for the ones that are a little more serious about it, and the good thing about this site, is that people have to be paid up members to view your photos..that way you are not just there for the 'window shopping' that some do.

After many aborted dates over the last couple of months, on a whim I signed up for Parship a week or so ago...wouldn't recommend it, as everyone is so far away..however I also have a date next week...but from past experiences (mainly me as I see red flags all over all men at the moment), plus a rubbish relationship I'm very sceptical and already am presuming that he is lying...hopefully I'm wrong!!!

Good luck whatever you decide to do x

In my experience it should be renamed Plenty Of Fatbirds.

The good thing about POF is you get a hint at the beginning of the profile where it states what the person is looking for be it a serious long term relationship or just a bit of fun.

Also helps to speak on the phone quickly to filter out nutters and to ascertain whether the online personality translates well to the medium of voice.Obviously call them first and withold your number until sure.

benher

oi i resemble that remark.lol

i am on the voluptuous side i have to admit but i managed to diguise my double chin quite well,, and the slap on my face hid my been up since 7 bags under the eyes.

atalaya1

hope he turns out to be a good guy x

My apologies wornout....nothing wrong with voluptuous in my book!

your welcome benhur x

You see, it works. Look at you two flirting

booboo xxxx

I would definately recommend the emailing and texting first before you move onto chatting on the phone, as you can get a good idea of someones personality and sense of humour.... when you chat on the phone, if they bore you senseless, you don't have to go through with a date....

Don't be afraid to contact the men either, and I also went a little further afield.

Anyone seen anyone they know on there?

Just a word of encouragement - I know two lovely guys who have used internet dating sites and been shocked at women wanting sex on a second date. The guys were wanting to meet people socially and see if more developed from there. So not every man on dating websites is just out for a shag! Interestingly, both of these two moved to the Guardian site following advice from other people so maybe that's the place to go! Good luck

...oh on a lighter note...there is a bloke on one of the sites who's name is cliterolman ..oh that made my day!!

I think all the previous posters have covered the most important points quite well. Plenty of Fish should be renamed to Plenty of F*cking in my opinion. 99.999% of the men are married or looking for an easy lay (same goes for some of the women too. It is not uncommon for men to write in their profile 'please don't message me for sex' or somesuch.

If you do try out PoF;

Do look at the events list and go to one if you can. This will give you a feel of what to expect in terms of quality. Some of them happen regularly and are low key so chances are you'll meet long term and genuine members there.

Read random profiles when you are bored; this will help you to build a better picture of the sort of daters on there. Plus alot of them are damn funny for example one man started off by stating he was friends with his ex wife and ex-girlfriends and no, there were no bodies under the patio.

Alot of men lie about their marital status (i.e will say they are divorced when they are separated and whether they have children or not. They will also lie about their age.

Be prepared for abusive emails if you delete an email without responding. Just block them.

Read through the POF forums (forums.plentyoffish.com/) to see how other people have fared. There is a subforum for people over 45.

This thread forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9543334.aspx titled 'Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?' should get you started quite nicely

Apologies for the long post and happy fishing!

hi
just a quick post i met dp on pof he was the only one who didnt make dirty comments we chatted on the site before exchanging phone numbers and eventually arranging a date for a meet up coffee it didnt go to plan though as a couple of days before i was having problems with my tv and he came round to "rescue me" he stayed for a brew and we haven't looked back since :o

Well I'm going to throw something else into the pot here, whilst totally agreeing with all the warnings about internet safety and not giving out personal details etc etc. Me and my DP of 4.5 years met on PoF!! we have a DS together who is 18 months and he is a fantastic dad to my DD and DS.

I think I got very lucky, my DP is a wonderful kind caring loving man. I have had 2 very bad abusive relationship previous, so I was very sceptical and also had very low self esteem, but I took things slowly and did as all above have previously suggested, It was strange I just knew with my DP that he was different to the other 99% of men who were contacting me!

Just be safe and enjoy.

Em :)

When my exh first left, POF gave me back my confidence although I didn't find a partner on there, it gave me the confidence to go out again, the online chatting was a fab practice, and the few I met were nice guys just not for me,
I did have some bonkers blokes, who just wanted sex talk but as long as your prepared for that you'll be fine.