If you know then what you know now about marriage and children would you have still got married and had children when you did?

[LauraNorder]

Coz after this weekend I'm not 100% sure I would!!!

Laura, never mind us, are you ok ?

sounds like you have had a difficult weekend, was it a one off??

I have bad weekends/days but the answer would on balacne still be a yes, mainly because the alternative would be worse.

No, definitely no children.

I'd've done it all earlier - am too old for all this chasing about!

Crap weekend = daydreaming about 1 bedroom croft in the arse-end of Nowhere by myself but then....it passes.

He's just being a miserable fecker and it's spoiled our weekend - again

Have also been exploring the idea of returning to work which initially DH was very supportive of but over the course of the weekend he has made it very clear that childcare will be entirely my organizing and he cannot be expected to help out

Sorry for the rant but if I'd known he had such Victorian opinions 8 years ago ..............well who knows! And breathe............

Yup. And my backstory is pretty cra!!

But I have my lovely ds

you ok Laura?

Would definitely have got married, at the same age and to the same man. Would not, however, have waited so long to have our family. We waited until we thought that we could survive on one wage: after the first year or so, we pretty much saved all my money every month and lived on his money, to be certain we could manage. After a few years, decided to try for children, got pg, and then the shit started to happen. Bereavements, his employer deciding that they would no longer give cost of living rises, loss of MIRAS, etc etc, mean that even though I found a new job and went back to work when youngest was a baby, we struggle badly to afford to pay everything every month. Been married nearly 30 years now. One good thing, I reckon that having managed to stick together and still love each other throughout all the rubbish, we have proved that we can get through things together. But as to the original question, no, if I had known then what I know now, we would probably have chosen to have our children earlier.

Yes, and yes, but i do have to keep the pressure up with DH that he has to do some CM/pre-school runs as i am working again. I wish too it weren't such a battle, but i think men (well mine anyway lol) get a bit complacent when we are on ML and sorting everything

Hope things pick up for you and you find a workable situation

pmsl at 'one bedroom croft'

makes it sound like a des res in Chiswick

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.freefoto.com/images/1077/11/1077_11_1---Beaton-s-Croft-House--Isle-of-Skye--Scotland_web.jpg%3F%26k%3DBeaton%27s%2BCroft%2BHouse%252C%2BIsle%2Bof%2BSkye%252C%2BScotland&imgrefurl=www.freefoto.com/preview/1077-11-1%3Fffid%3D1077-11-1&usg=__Fzft27yWHl4uN84TjiKUlvUJTeI=&h=400&w=600&sz=183&hl=en&start=0&sig2=YKjy9b2KehjlBVuok0yx1g&zoom=1&tbnid=ECxlSFMD68rMrM:&tbnh=146&tbnw=237&ei=afCoTNrCIcK7jAeauK2CDQ&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcroft%2Bhouse%2Bscotland%2Bpicture%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D909%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=565&vpy=84&dur=892&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=216&ty=110&oei=afCoTNrCIcK7jAeauK2CDQ&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=25&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here's one

laura, that is unfair of him

how does you going back to work mean that childcare would still be 100% your province ?

is he a hands-on Dad now...or does he leave it all to you ?

such ingrained sexist opinions can be very difficult to live with...

actually, I really fancy one..

Gawd, I look at that and wanted to go straight out and buy a cross-over pinny and wellies.....

Laura, you've got to lead him by the nose a bit more I think. Let him have his dopey ideas about not getting involved but present it to him in such a way that he thinks it's all his idea and on his terms....

He's a fab dad, really good but as I am a SAHM he doesn't have to worry about school runs, poorly children he pretty much comes and goes (during the week) as work dictates.

But he is leaving his current job soon and will be starting a more local, stable job (no nights away) which gives me an ideal opportunity to return to work, or so I foolishly thought!

I am just ranting, but also interested to know if others would repeat the same course if they could go back.

I would have had DD1 a bit later I think - she wasca honeymoon baby, we didn't think it would all happen straight away.

A resounding no!

I was neither old enough nor mature enough at 20 to get married, leave my family, friends, home, hobbies to move to somewhere I hated from day 1 when I didn't get on with MIL either.

With hindsight would have waited, and married somebody else :(

Yes I would still do it all again. Dh has proven to be exactly the kind of husband and father i hoped for. Not perfect, no one is. But we want the same things still.

Your dh sounds rather sexist Laura. Did he think you would always stay at home, even when the children were at school?

I would tell him, unless he was earning 200k a year, it was his concern getting kids sorted so you can earn, and see a bit of life outside the home.

Absolutly yes and yes

Wouldn't change a thing DH or DC's

I am lucky