Don't like sister in law.

[pongonperdy]

My DH and I don't get on with his brother and his brothers wife. We had a big row a few months ago which we don't feel is reconcilable. Other family members and friends feel we should bury the hatchet as they are family. The problem is that my DH and I really don't want anything to do with them and are quite happy not to see them again. Are we being unreasonable or is it acceptable not to like ones family and not have anything to do with them.

I think it depends on how much stress this creates for the rest of the family. If it means that your husband's family can never have a party or gathering for their entire family because it would mean not inviting one of you, then it seems quite childish and it would be best to make an effort to be civil. If you never bump into them at other family members' homes and parties, then it make less difference but probably will still upset your husband's parents. Best to make up with them even if you don't want to spend time with them.

If they were very very offensive to you then I don't think you're being that unreasonable. I'm remembering a recent thread when someones cousin in law was vile about their infertility. In that case I think you can just see people separate from them and not go to whole family gatherings, but make sure you send a gift and go another day. Sometimes I think principles need to be upheld over peace iyswim

Without knowing the details it sounds as if YABU.

i guess it depends on what the row was about and how serious it all was

i don;t think you should have to like people just becuase they are family. but it would be silly to cause a big family rift and affect the rest of the family over a row...

can't really comment without knowing more tbh

Dh family don't have family gatherings so unlikely to bump into them there. They live the other side of the country so it would be a case of planning to visit each other. Sister in law is basically a very self absorbed person and she has spent the last five years trying to get her husband to spend less and less time with his family. She also feels that she is superior to us all.This has caused dh parents and us feel alienated. The row came when my dh had had enough of her petulant behaviour and told her off. He also told his brother he didn't like his wife.

If I felt making up with them would be beneficial than I would be encouraging dh to do so. But what is the point in saying let's bury the hatchet if you have no intention of seeing them. Surely that raises expectations from family.

SIL sounds like an arse, to be sure. As you have so little contact already, though, it seems a bit pointless to make a big show of falling out with them. Can't you just do the necessary - send Christmas & birthday cards - tell the parents you're back on speaking terms, and leave it at that?

We always have sent cards etc and will continue to do so. They don't but that's up to them. Guess we could tell pill that but they would soon find out from sill that wasn't true. Part of me feels like saying fine let bygones be bygones ad I know that in actual fact we still won't have anything to do with them. For the last five years they never phoned us, we were the ones making all the effort so I can't see that there would be any relationship if we don't make an effort. Just don't know if I can be bothered with the facade. Don't think it does anyone any good. Just irritating when people say, but they are family. So what!

Up to your husband, they're his family. I would just have stopped inviting them over and declined invites and not made a big thing of it. How come the wider family are getting involved? If they live miles away and there are no big family gatherings you could easily have avoided them with a minimum of fuss.
If your husband told his brother he doesn't like his wife then your BIL won't be desperate to see you either.
I'd send xmas cards etc but have little to do with them and don't talk to the rest of the family about it.

It sounds like the problem has kind of fixed itself. SIL doesn't like you both and therefore doesn't make contact. If you remove 'we aren't speaking to them' from the equation, what are you left with? A natural avoidance of each other which is what you want, right?

Carry on sending cards, because you are nice and have manners, and just nod and smile when other family members pry about it. If they want these people more involved they can invite / contact them themselves.

I keep away from certain people in my family and it works great. Other nosey family members will say things like 'blood is thicker than water'. I say well 'so is shit and crude oil - whats your point!'. IME its best to leave things to settle naturally and avoid a confrontation that may occur if you start trying to force contact against your better judgement.

I completely agree rudeenglish lady.

Problem is bil seems to want to sort things out with dh.

Dh just can't be fagged with them anymore and can't see how he and his brother can have any sort of meaningful relationship when sill is such a pita.

I think bill would be happy with the facade but dh is not.

I am fed up as have mil winging at me about it, even though she hates sill too.

I wouldnt give her any ammunition (sil)
patch it up, be nice as pie, kill her with kindness.
bil may wake up one day, and want you as support.

Being in a similar situation myself, I think you have every right to decide not to have anything to do with somebody if they treat you badly enough. We don't see my SIL & her family anymore because they said some horrible things about us (really, really horrible without going into detail), and have never even tried to apologise since.

It always amazes me how (some) familes treat each other like shite when they wouldn't dream of being so rude to people they weren't quite so comfortable with. We've had people say to us that life is too short to fall out with people, but I think life is too short to put up with other people's abuse, personally!