dh and his brother have not spoken for almost a year.....

[blushingm]

and it is causing problems.

It started at nephews birthday bowling. There were 2 lanes, ds only knew nephew but ended up in the opposite lane. DH wasn't happy but didn't do anything. Anyway ds missed 2 turns as another boy took his go. Ds was upset and asked dh to take him hom. DH went to get ds shoes whilst he was away bil brought ds back to the bowling. DH came back to put ds shoes on and dh and bil had words about how bil should make sure his nephew (my ds) got his turn etc etc etc.

DH stormed off with an upsey ds. bil came after him and they had words in the carpark - shouting at eachother. DH put ds in the car and came home.

Anyway this was back in december and both of them think they were right, neither will apologise or een approach the other. All this means that in laws cannot have everyone over for tea etc as the brothers are not speaking. The kids don't see eachother (i have dd and ds, bil has ds). DH grandad is old and ill and in laws have said that unless they make up/start speaking if the grandad dies neither will be welcome at the funeral.

I have tried acting normal with bil but he has pretty much been ignoring me. I've tried to get dh to contact his brother and the in laws have spoken to bother boys but neither will give in

i don't know what to do - i don't want my dcs missing out on knowing their aunt, uncle and cousin but it seems bil has decided he doesn't want to bother with me so how can the kids all get together etc. DH and I are now arguing about it and aren't speaking at the moment.

What do I do? Do I carry on trying to be normal with bil, do i just give up and not bother with him do i keep trying to get dh to contact hi db????

It's all so stressed in the family i don't kknow what to do for the best

This sounds like deep seated childhood issues between the two men, I have no sympathy for your inlaws they are most likely the cause of it all, it is the children i feel sorry for. Best to let it go, better than your children growing up with their dad's resentment and taking it on etc...

I would make a life surrounded by healthy people and ask dh to get counselling as his issues are affecting his now family!

Ask your DH how he would feel if something terrible happened to his brother?

What a silly thing to fall out over for so long!

I think maybe your MIL needs to get involved and sit them both down and spell it out to them.

God they both sound like stubborn arseholes! I am guessing that there is possibly more history of them falling out or not getting on in general prior to this latest, infantile falling out. Can you and bil's wife not get together with the kids? I would not get involved in trying to get them to speak to one another tbh.

I would leave to your brother and BIL - it's down to them to sort it out.

As regards the funeral issue, it may not be diplomatic but if the worst happens I don't believe you can be barred from a funeral. They may not be welcome but I don't think the inlaws can actually stop either of them attending.

I'd stay well out of it and let them sort it out themselves.

I have not spoken to my brother for about 3 years, after he did a totally rotten spiteful thing to me and my Dad. We had never got on even as kids so I don't miss him one little bit. Luckily his wife is wonderful and so our kids still see each other.

One day I will have to speak to him I guess, be it when my Dad gets older, or at his funeral, I really don't care.

Yes, there are obviously issues here in your situation, but if they can't stand each other, then leave them to it - you can't make them like each other. Hell would freeze over before me and my brother could even begin to like each other and its a desicion we have both made to stay out of each others lives.

Leave em to it.

ps - a funeral is a public event, you can't bar somone from one.