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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help needed in the next half an hour!!!!

25 replies

ForestFly · 07/08/2003 21:31

My x is ringing at ten and i dont no how to play it!! Should i act like im angry, fine, should i probe how he feels . I need an angle on this or ill just blabber! Sorry just getting nervous!

OP posts:
codswallop · 07/08/2003 21:31

Can you give us a link to your story?

1stimer · 07/08/2003 21:34

Need more to go on forestfly.

Teletubby · 07/08/2003 21:36

Don't know the ins and outs but play it cool and appear to be coping but feel free to make him feel guilty (if it's not a mutual split that is)

Original poster
ForestFly · 07/08/2003 21:40

Wouldn,t know what to link it to!! Basically hes sacked in his job, me , kids etc. 8 weeks ago. Not spoken to him properly since, just need to know the best treatment to effect a man back, hes ringing so i can read him his post. Im gutted but do i act like ive moved on and im fantastic?!!

OP posts:
aloha · 07/08/2003 21:48

Try to be calm, but if you can't be, there's no shame in that. He's the one in the wrong, not you. No man will come back unless he wants to, and that's about him, not you. You are lovely. He's the one who has behaved badly. You will probably feel better if you can be cool, but if you can't, you can't.

Original poster
ForestFly · 07/08/2003 21:49

How do i play it cool and make him feel guilty, is that giving him the occasional dig? Should i feel bad that ive just had to open a bottle of wine!

OP posts:
Original poster
ForestFly · 07/08/2003 21:53

I forget that im not in the wrong, i guess im going through a stage of what did i do wrong (does that make sense)

OP posts:
katierocket · 07/08/2003 21:53

be yourself, he will probably be expecting you to be angry, bitter etc. agree with aloha, try to be calm, rise above it. certainly don't feel bad about the wine!

Original poster
ForestFly · 07/08/2003 21:56

Do you think rising above it, is keeping my sense of humour, we always laughed , or should i be cold and proffesional? So many questions so little time (and i bet he wont ring!!!!)

OP posts:
Teletubby · 07/08/2003 21:57

F*K him and F*k his post!

1stimer · 07/08/2003 21:57

Wow thats a difficult situation, I guess you will have to just see how the conversation goes, I don't think giving him a dig will work, but you know him better than anyone...If you want to know whats in his head open questioning is meant to be the best technique but its really up to him whether he wants to respond IYKWIM. sorry I'm no more help, BTW, I wouldn't feel bad about the wine!

1stimer · 07/08/2003 21:58

On second thoughts I agree with you teletubby

Original poster
ForestFly · 07/08/2003 21:59

What are all those abbreviations? P.S. I like mumsnet people giving me permmision to drink!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ForestFly · 07/08/2003 22:01

Teletub. what happened to playing it cool!!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 07/08/2003 22:01

If You Know What I Mean and By The Way

Stick a note by the phone which reads "I AM NOT IN THE WRONG" to remind you.

Good luck.

aloha · 07/08/2003 22:05

Be as calm and neutral as you can - enigmatic if you like - ie not too friendly, not to hostile, as if you don't much care and can't be bothered. BUT if you cry and get angry, don't blame yourself HE IS IN THE WRONG

Teletubby · 07/08/2003 22:05

My playing it cool has gone out the window - i thought he was phoning to chat about kids or something not have ForestFly read out his bloody post the lazy Bas**d!

aloha · 07/08/2003 22:05

Be as calm and neutral as you can - enigmatic if you like - ie not too friendly, not to hostile, as if you don't much care and can't be bothered. BUT if you cry and get angry, don't blame yourself HE IS IN THE WRONG

Original poster
ForestFly · 07/08/2003 22:08

Well there you go , hes managed to get me in a complete state and not f*king rang, when will i ever learn . Thanks all !!!!

OP posts:
katierocket · 07/08/2003 22:13

what happened Forestfly?

Original poster
ForestFly · 08/08/2003 00:13

My friend turned up, and then he rang, i said i was busy, he asked about post blah blah, i said i had to go! What a let down, still want to connect with him, what a fool i am!!!

OP posts:
Boe · 08/08/2003 07:40

Tell him you will send hm his post or he can come and get it if this is putting you in an awkward position.

Don't out yourself out for him!!

Rhubarb · 08/08/2003 14:35

Best way of handling it I think. Men hate being given the cold-shoulder. He will be expecting you to be all emotional, that's how men perceive women. If you act cool and professional you will catch him off-guard. He will be curious, will want to know what you are thinking, how you are feeling. He'll hate not knowing what's going on, men are control-freaks like that. Send his post onto him and arrange to talk about access to the kids and so on. Treat the whole thing like a business transaction until he cracks. Show him how well you are coping without him, he'll hate that too! If you do want to show emotion, then you need to get him face to face. That way he can't just put the phone down and forget about you. He needs to deal with these issues head on and the only way of doing that is to meet you personally. Until that happens, play it cool and annoy him, he bloody well deserves it!

easy · 08/08/2003 14:47

Um, If he just walked out, then I'd be putting his post in the bin, or at best back in the post box marked "no longer at this address". If he wants it it is up to him to make some effort, like updating the people writing to him on his new address.

Is he interested in how you are, or how the kids are?

If the answer is no, then I suggest you should be very cold whenever you speak to him, stick to bald facts, don't volunteer information about how you are, what you are doing etc.
Don't be nervous, just keep any contact short.

God, aren't men sh*ts sometimes?

Let us know how things are.

Love

codswallop · 08/08/2003 21:14

I think what you did sounded rahter good - ahree with Rhubarb about being disinterested, men are like cats - always go to the one who likes them least!

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