baby conflict

[samjones84]

Late;y I've been desperate for a baby ( about 2 years) my DD is 5.5 and its starting to be all I think about. DH doesn't want another yet and would be quite happy to have no more at all but I don't want her to be too much older or me for that matter as I have plans for my own life after a certain age. I know its irrational but my DD asking for a sibling is making it worse and i don't want this to affect my relationship with DH as Im really starting to feel like it'll never be a good time for him.

How do I focus on other aspects of my life and stop obsessing with this?

Can I ask how old you are?
Why is your dh dragging his feet?

Do you work? Right now is the time to be making advances in your career. You have no, or much reduced, childcare costs presumably. Focus on that.
If it's something you really want, you need to think wether it's a dealbreaker. I would not rock the boat within a happy relationship if the other person definately did not want a baby. But I don't know if I could live with the regret of not having another. Tough one.

And if 84 is a nod to your age, you are a year younger than me (I'm 27). Slow down.

We're both 26 but my career progression is based on x amount of years worked, then 3 more years of training and I don't want to leave too big a gap so if i waited till after I've trained I'd be about 35 and DD would be 15 and I dream of traveling the world after 50 (its a rought plan!)

Yes, I know thats not old by DH parents are 61 and 70, while my mum had her last 2 at 34 and at 50 still has 4 kids in the house.

Just struggling to explain to DH that i would have to take a break from career and its not as simple as 9 months and it would be me having to put my career on hold, not him. DH is worried about money and job stability.

Why is it irrational to want another child?

Why must you stop "obsessing" about something that is important to you.

Your desires and goals are every but as important as your DH's and the timing and number if children you have has a much bigger impact on you than it will on him.

I know a 6 year gap is a lot bigger than I would choose. How long does he expect you to wait? Is he respectful enough of your wishes to be clear about his own? Or is he just fobbing you off?

Honestly, I have no idea how long he wants to wait, he just says not now.

Every aspect of our relationship is great apart from this and if its not something he wants I can't force him into it but at the same time I'd like a definitive answer.

Problem is I just can't seem to switch it off and I don't want to obsess over this at the expense of our relationship but its hard as all our friends are having babies so Im surrounded by it.

Its frustrating more than anything.

Nobody ever says this on these threads but why don't you just go ahead and do it? i think maybe some men find it hard to commit to the idea, but if just presented with a positive test they would be happy?

couldn't do it- I don't think anyone should be tricked into being a parent, with our daughter it was entirely accidental as we were both only 20 but i'd never do it intentionally. He has every right to not want a baby as much as I do to want one, just wish he'd make up his darn mind.

Yeah maybe maisie, or they might be royally hacked off and dump you. Not really worth the risk. Your child will get a sibling but might not have a daddy anymore...

In my ideal world 7 years is the biggest gap I would want, so if I was in your position that would give me 9 months left to conceive. In reality I have about 2 years cos DS is younger than your DD. However DP wants to be fully qualified before we TTC for security and stability. Pretty much the same reasons. Technically he could probably finish it in about 2 years if he pulled his finger out but he's basically running his office at the moment which doesn't leave him with much spare time.

However I would like to go back to college or uni and get a good career. If I were to go back to college that would be 5 years from now before I was finished, maybe longer. If I was to get pregnant then, it would be a good couple of years more before I could look for work in my field and I would lose out on valuable experience. I would much rather get the babies out of the way and then focus on changing my career rather than keep stop/starting it.

I worry if I leave it any longer than that I will be faced with the disadvantages of such a big age gap, DS almost at secondary school and doing his own thing, me with more time and would I want to go back to babies and nappies after all that time despite deep down really wanting another. Perhaps that is what your DH is hoping?