Fantastic article on SIGNs of AFFAIRs in times

[BadgersArse]

And you should all read it. Body and soul section

Post silver anniversay crisis?? I must have missed something. Should I be worried?

Only crisis is the amount of money draining out of our bank account with three teenagers.

The rest of the time we are knackered just looking after them. Who on earth has the energy to embark on another relationship?

Post silver anniversay crisis?? I must have missed something. Should I be worried?

Only crisis is the amount of money draining out of our bank account with three teenagers.

The rest of the time we are knackered just looking after them. Who on earth has the energy to embark on another relationship?

Three teenagers? I'd have run away screaming by now - one was quite enough.

Gonesouth - I couldn't agree more! It's a pretty shit time all things considered. Luckily we still rather like one another, which is a good job because we have bugger all else going for us at the moment except a huge mortage, not much social life, and an impending sense of doom at the cost of university.

I think we both feel a bit drained dry by our children and the relentless grind of it all at the moment. (17, 15, 11)

alouiseg you said imagine reading that if tick all the boxes,interesting as i read abook the other day that said men are inclined to have affairs when wife is pg. I ma pg and thats all it took to get me thinking. I ma such a twat he adores me but it that little seed of doubt.

obviously am and am not ma and ma

Anyone who has an affair when his wife is PG is total and utter bastard and absolutely nothing could make me see his point of view, or forgive him, whatsoever. That's really really low.

I agree Fell - utter lowlife scum, Wayne Rooney makes me want to vomit and Colleen must have the self respect of an amoeba.

They deserve to be kicked out and never see their child, they don't deserve an ounce of human compassion.

Really? You'd punish a child for the crimes of the father?

Hi, Yes Mal I had a major cancer scare and reevaluated my life and left my philandering H. I also gave up my job (was too ill to work anyway) and moved overseas. Unfortunately no affair for me, but I'm now well now and open to new experiences. Ex-H, although still not old, now has a major health problem and wants us to reconcile. No way. He is now lonely and scared, just like I was. Seriously, he had affairs when children were born, when they were sick, when he was 43, when his Mother died, when his Father died, and probably when the cat threw up as well( not serious except for the moggy), in fact any excuse. I think he had episodes of depression and may have self-medicated with a new affair each time. Still the article was interesting .

That bit about the cat made me smile Baggy!

Actually I take that bit back about forgiving him. I'm not saying I should, or would, but I do know that at a time when you at your most vulnerable, and full of hope and fear for the future you may well be prepared to sacrifice your own pride and principles for the sake of a (hopefully) stable family life for your child.

I wouldn't judge someone who forgave (maybe/possibly that might have been me) but I'd certainly harden up and keep a very cynical eye out in future, and something in that relationship would be sullied forever. The respect would be gone. I'd always know that he was basically weak and self-centred and not to be relied upon to put his family before himself in a crisis.

Personally I find emotional affairs more threatening than what I understand Wayne Rooney did, which was more of a commercial transaction, ie. emotions were not involved. When your H has an attachment to another woman it is really really threatening. Am I alone in this?

Actually if they are going to have an affair then that is what they will do. Nothing that the existing partner can do or say will stop them.

Which is why I'm always so sceptical about some of the relationship threads. They appear to be full of women "banning" their partners from risky activities (stag nights, staying out, lap dancing) as if that will actually prevent them from falling into harms way

The reasons they give for objecting to the "risky behaviour" are always a cover for their own insecurities. Lots off guff about respect/human rights but very little trust.

I think you have to make allowances for the fact that Wayne was a child when he started going out with Colleen. And he has no chance of 'spreading his wings' a bit, as it were, without the world knowing about it. Anyway, he's still a git. She's made enough money in er own right, (albeit ont he back of him) so she must just really love him. Stranger things have happened.

Same with Tiger Woods - he was so busy being a child-protege with a control freak daddy that he probably didn't get a sniff of a girl until very late on - and once he started he couldn't stop.

Now Ashley Cole is the biggest mystery to me. Can't imagine what his excuse was for a minute - except perhaps jealous insecurity that his wife as becoming more important than him. so glad she ditched him and doesn't have any babies yet. What an arsehole.

"I think you have to make allowances for the fact that Wayne was a child when he started going out with Colleen" errr, No .

Me and DH have been together since we were 16 and 17, neither of us have ever wanted to "spread our wings" , if DH had wanted to do it, esecially while I was pregnant, I'd have left and he would have never seen me and DD ever again.

Baggy, both options are as bad as the other for me, but on MN I seem to be in a bit of a unique position, not many women or men of my age or younger , have only had one sexual partner for their whole adult life - I'd be upset at DH getting emotionally close to another woman but I would hate him forever for betraying me just for sex.

Its funny dh and i were having a postcoital sunday morning chat discussing what it would be like if we'd have met each other a bit younger (we were only 25) we came to the conclusion that we needed to get our respective wild oats out of the way otherwise we might have strayed later on purely on a "what if" basis.

When you've got the best, you really don't need to try the rest.

But surely if you've only eaten Apple Pie and then a Creme Brulee is put in front of you, you might fancy a taste

Oh I like plenty of flavours other than vanilla I just like them served the same way.
I've honestly never felt the urge to see what sex with another man (or woman) felt like and neither has DH - being faithful to each other means too much, to both of us.

Thats lovely Mal. You're a rare breed.

shes smug you mean? ;)

She might be but as i'm taking on half of Mumsnet tonight i think i'll leave that to you :0

lol

link to rabble rousing threads