I just dont know what to do....

[againandagain]

Have been with DP 5 years. Im wondering if we are falling out of love? We have a 13month old DD and he is a fantastic dad and loves her so much. I cant stand the thought of her and him not seeing each other everyday and I so dont want to be a single parent. But im not sure we are the right people for each other? Maybe I want him to be a different king of man and vice versa?? When its good its great, but when we have these big rows I really feel like I cant spend the rest of my life with him. I wanted so much more for DD.........

What kind of big rows do you have?

How frequently?

What are they about?

Do you think relationship counselling would help you both find a better way to solve conflicts? (not applicable if there is abuse)

Why do we row?

Money- how to spend it, I want to save more he wants to live more week by week.

He thinks I don't appreciate how hard he works and I don't think he appreciates all I do. Am mainly SAHM but manage and train youth sports teams in evening and weekends which pays very well for the lack of hours I do.

We have only one day off a week together. I want to get up get out and be outside. He wants to chill in front of tv

I want to relocate slightly so DD will get into the best state school in our county. He says local schools are fine and thats what we went to.

He thinks I am unrealistic in what love is and I want things to be more spontaneous.

I know this properly sounds pathetic but I don't know what's normal?? I'm so upset and don't know what the right thing to do is? We have a big blow up about every 4-5 months or so.

Dh and I have been together for nearly 15 years and are very happy together but we disagree on how to spend weekends. He works all week and I am a SAHM. Because I have to go out every day at least twice I like to stay in at the weekend and just potter about. He likes us all to go out. We compromise.

IUTBF. Thankyou but I can't help thinking it's more than that.

I don't think I have the strength to keep doing this for the rest of my life. But I don't want to be alone

You can feel alone within a marriage.

Nothing is going to change unless he has a reason too. If you stay, and he doesn't change then this is your life forever. If you leave you have a chance to meet someone else.

None of this sounds worth breaking up your relationship for, tbh. I can tell you that my DH and I disagree about exactly the same things. In time, you learn to focus on what is important and to compromise.

Why don't you agree on 3 areas where you will both agree to compromise. For example:

1. Doing some research on moving
2. Going for a walk at the weekend, then he can return to the tv
3. Dropping the whole competitive "I do more than you' thing. You both work hard. That's it.

You do sound a bit unrealistic if I'm really honest. Making a relationship succeed can be a lot of effort but that doesn't mean there's anything fundamentally wrong.

x-posted. When you say you can't do this for the rest of your life, what do you mean?

Is it because you are trying to change him?

I know lots of women who've driven themselves insane trying to change their partners.

With the moving thing, for example. Just do it. Go and look at houses, find one, tell him this is the right thing to do, work on presenting him with a complete plan of action instead of arguing about it.

Why can't you go out on your own sometimes at the weekends? I do that all the time while my DH watches TV. But sometimes he comes with me. I don't expect him to do everything I want.