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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I would like to share with you my wisdom about being nice to people

43 replies

LynetteScavo · 01/10/2010 22:16

My husband is a very nice man.

So nice, that when I drive his ( very crappy) car with personalise plates in this small town people always let me out, let me have the parking space, etc. (This never happens to me when I'm in my carHmm)
He has only ever been nice, and fair to people. He's quite well known in our small town.

This week our lives imploded, in a "you find out who your friends are" way. People could have pointed and laughed, but they didn't. People have only been kind, sympathetic, and genuinely lovely.

Then today I came face to face with one of the girls form school who didn't make my teenage years pleasant. She was one of a group of girls who had been quite horrid to me at high school, but I'd never stuck up for my self, never answered back, or retaliated. She seemed genuinely pleased to see me after all these years. (It wasn't mutual) I've often wished I'd been more assertive back then in high school, but the funny thing is, those girls who unintentionally made my life hell remember me as a nice person. They genuinely have no idea how unhappy they made me, and are really nice to me now we are old. Grin Hmm

So, it's true; Be nice to people on you're way, up, coz you don't know who you'll meet on your way down! [grin}

OP posts:
coffeeinbed · 02/10/2010 21:35

I'm nice, my life an effing mess.
Go figure.

coffeeinbed · 02/10/2010 21:36

And nice as I am I still can;t type....sorry!

ItsGraceAgain · 02/10/2010 21:38

I've decided I want to be labelled a "nice person" Grin I am, too. For the longest time, I was nice AND a doormat. But I'm happy to say it's possible to be one without the other. And I am!

Well, almost [brushes muddy footprints off back]

coffeeinbed · 02/10/2010 21:39

Is it?
I'll keep trying then.

ItsGraceAgain · 02/10/2010 21:45

Go for it! x

TDaDa · 02/10/2010 22:45

Yes, you can tell that Grace is also nice from her ernest threads/comments

TDaDa · 02/10/2010 22:45

I am happy to be the bad guy here

ItsGraceAgain · 02/10/2010 23:40

Oh, go on, TDaDa, share the secret.

TDaDa · 03/10/2010 07:02

....Smile......

thumbwitch · 03/10/2010 07:13

I don't think I'm very nice but lots of people tell me I am - I tend to think they don't know me very well but perhaps I'm just too hard on myself.

However, I try never to be intentionally nasty to anyone because I don't want to seem nasty. Occasionally I give in and am nasty, and then I always feel guilty about it, so perhaps I'm not genuinely nasty either.

I'm definitely not a doormat.

gorionine · 03/10/2010 07:37

Thumbwitch, I think it is very compatible to be nice/kind and not be a doormat. In fact I think kindness can bring strength.

My mum is the kindest person I know and she is a rock, NOTHING gets her down, she just carries on her merry way head up with a smile on her face. DD1 is like that too, she is just 11 but oozes of cheerfulness and strength, in fact I hink she always has.

It must have skipped a generation!Smile

LC200 · 03/10/2010 08:36

I always have cheery conversations at bus stops and know virtually everyone in the village where I live because I will chat merrily to anyone. It's nice, because it means people think highly of you, and you tend to see a friendly face wherever you go.

All the people who think I am "too nice" however, really don't know me very well at all! I am friendly and never rude, but that doesn't mean that I am nice to people at the expense of my own self-esteem. It also doesn't mean that I never have a properly good bitching session with a few choice friends.

Lynette, hope things work out for you. Glad to hear your kids are OK. Must be very stressful (understatement emoticon).

Gretl · 03/10/2010 08:48

I'm nice, I definitely like to be friendly and see the good in people, even if they're people I don't have a lot in common with. I'm kind and I will give time and I like to think of things to make friends' and family's lives a bit easier if I can (especially as we've been a bit lucky with time and money in the past year, unusually).

Over the past two years I have been quite seriously taken advantage of and then discarded, complete with lies and deliberate lack of trying to see my side. Three times. Each one has really hurt me and brought me down. Once was money/friendship and the other two times were to do with time/effort/kindness. I feel like the past twenty years of having lovely friendships has been spoiled somehow, and I'm much more circumspect with new people.

Having said that, lovely people are lovely people and they are still around and I haven't turned into a grouch or anything, so I should just forget about the bad judgement calls that I made.

TDaDa · 03/10/2010 09:55

Actually, sometimes when I think I am being the tough guy at work, my colleagues tell me that I am being nice .......I just need some more practice. Smile

TDaDa · 03/10/2010 09:57

Just been ranting calling someone thoughtless on another thread.

hmc · 03/10/2010 10:29

Me too - am definitely not nice!

loopyloops · 03/10/2010 10:33

:)

My lovely sister is the nicest person you'll ever meet. She gets really upset if she sees other people being treated badly, and will always stick up for them.

Without fail, there is always someone willing to be nasty to her.

I wouldn't change the way she is, she is genuinely lovely, but I wish her niceness was repaid. :(

ILovePonyo · 03/10/2010 10:44

I like this thread Lynette Grin

I think I'd get described as nice. Which would probably of bothered me a few years ago (I would of thought that nice = boring) but now its a compliment.

Think I can be a bit of a doormat at times though - at least I'm aware of it.

I think people can be a bit surpirsed if I start chatting to them at bus stops, supermarket queues etc, I have a bit of a grumpy face so don't think they expect me to be that sort of person :)

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