not sure if I am alone in this one! Have had a clear out in my life of friends and aquantances and wondered if anyone else done this has any advice?

[Mummiehunnie]

After abusive marriage and dysfunctional family, I removed most people from my life and for almost a year now have been a kind of hermit, self imposed, it has been good for me, have kept one old friend who I never saw much due to distance and her being someone who spreads herself thinly in life. I have a few aquantances, that is it though!

I was always good at making new friends, and had lots at times in my life was stressed out juggling it all. Most of the people from my past were unhealthy people as was I.

I have had therapy etc, and am still building my confidence and self esteem. I feel almost ready, probably will be ready in new year to reach out more, and wondered how others went about it.

I know it is probably going to sound odd to some people and I am concerned how people will react to me almost having a mid life reinvention in mid thirites etc...

thanks

Hi Mummie,

Yes I think you will feel like that because its only natural. When you meet new people I think everyone would feel uncomfortable until you get to know them and when you do get to know them you might not like what you see lol but eventually you will find someone who you will have fun and laughter with. Well thats what I am hoping for myself too.

I find it will be tough for me meeting new people because you want to learn to trust people its human nature but I find it hard therefore I never let people get close to me, that way they cant let me down.

What are you expecting from your new friendships ?

Rachx

definately a positive for me,i won't lie at times it was heartwrenching because it was family and friends.another poster mentioned they were always outwardly positive and could never tell anyone if they were upset by them or feeling upset,thats me.it took other people to start the ball rolling ie blatant nastiness on their behalves but at almost 40 i reacted in a way i never had before and said'nope it ends here,if someone truly loves me they need show it'.....i can say that the family members have to others more or less acknowledged their wrongs but would rather loose out than admit to me or change anything,very sad. the friends i have around me now are my support network and the few family members i am in contact with now i never had problems with and know i never will....all in all i have a very positive life

Hi Mum Of three,

I can understand what your saying I have people in my life who seem to want to gloat when things are bad but when things are good or I feel happy and want to tell them they seem to act in an envious way and have little digs to belittle me. (These are people such as mum,dad and sister) It drives you mad sometimes because you think is it me thats in the wrong.. they cant all be wrong. It knocks your confidence down.
I have all those feelings am i being to sensitive... they make it out like their is something wrong with you.
When you are a kind, caring person some people tend to pick up on this, so if they are bullies they target you and pick on any weaknesses you have. In order to make themselves feel better?

Hi Rachy

It is quite hurtful when the people closest to you act like that and it does make you feel as if you are the unreasonable one. I have found this very hard to accept that it is not me, it is them. I am also a very kind caring person who just cannot be fake - you are either in or out with me. Yes I believe the little digs and envy are because they do want to make themselves feel better. I feel so lost sometimes without them in my life any more but I just have to get out there and start building friendships again. How are you finding the whole 'friend making' process