No real friends, feeling very down.

[CanNeverDecide]

I thought this fitted into relationships, sort of, which is why it's here.

So, I'm 32. Had some sort of realisation today that I really don't have any friends. Yes, lots of people I know, lots of people I could invite to a party or go out to dinner with, but no real friends - you know, the kind you can sit and just have a mindless natter with, call up at short notice to meet up, rely on in a crisis kind of thing. In short, no one (apart from family) who actually really gives a sh*t whether I'm alive or dead.

I know how I got here. Have always been in a 'group' of friends, e.g. at school/Uni etc. but they always seem to be the groups that disintegrate - never those strong ones that stay together. So my friendships are bitty, with none of them really knowing others, and most of them are geographically now far away.

I was 'off campus' in my first year at Uni, in a relationship with someone not at Uni, and doing a course I didn't really want to do - so I didn't come out of Uni with those great mates that many do. Then got married soon after and so didn't make as many new friends as I probably would have done if I were single.

Today I was just looking at facebook and I realised that I don't have what seems to be 'normal' for others. Someone I know with a new baby has a friend making lunch for her and bringing it over. I actually can't think of one person who would do that for me off their own back. Another friend was invited on holiday with someone, others are going to weddings nearly every weekend.

I've just burst into tears in front of my husband about this and he summed it up perfectly. I have no 'primary' friends - you know, the ones you've known for years that you've shared lots with. I have loads of 'secondary' friends, but those are people to whom I am not important, because I'm not one of their 'primary' friends.

Funniest thing is, I am a complete extrovert. Confident, outgoing, always been in the biggest social circles, but never any longevity in my friendships for some reasons.

Feeling so depressed today about it all, yet there is little I can do to change the past.

Am I alone? Any advice/tips/reassurance? Anything to make me feel better?

It's a rainy day, baby is asleep and I was sitting thinking exactly the same thing!!
Reading this thread I realise I'm not abnormal, have made quite a few acquaintances through toddler groups but don't know how to take it to the next level.

I would love a friend that I could call on reason.

I'm in the grimsby/cleethorpes area

That was 'call on for no reason'

Me too! Me too! Can I join please?

I've felt so lonely since getting pg with ds1 2 years ago. I'm more 'hardened' this pg and as a result more self-sufficient, but sometimes I really do have days where I feel I could be the only person in the world!

All of my friends moved away for uni etc and have chosen not to come back, which is fine, but as someone who has had the same circle of mates from a very young age, it's quite hard to feel so separated and detached from everyone - especially as I'm the only one who has had children. I feel like I belong on another planet!
They have all been lovely and were interested in ds1 when he was a tiny baby, but not so much now he is a 2 year old! And now I'm about to have baby no. 2 it's like the novelty has worn off, so even less contact than before!

I really struggled initially, but kinda got used to it. Makes me sad though, as I like to think that if one of them had been the first to have been pg and struggling I would have been there as much as I could have been for them - none of them have bothered with me though! Made me question my friendships a bit, but at the end of the day I suppose I have to live with the fact that they have their own lives. It's just we were so close and now it's a big deal to get a phone call once a month!

Have been to toddler groups and met a couple of folk, had a couple of playtimes with other kids mums, and there is one girl in particular I have bonded with, but again, we don't know each other that well and I am so so wary of making friendships and getting hurt. Part of my coping technique!

Wish there was a magic remedy - would do so well in a close close friendship. Positively thrive in them! I'm a lovely friend - really understanding, make you cakes, make fantastic birthday efforts and am tactful, delightful and realistic. Just not lucked out in that area of my life. And it really gets me down sometimes!

everyone on here seems like they would be great friends to have , just a pity we all live miles away from each other :(.

I am exactly the same.
Lived in many diff countries and you loose touch with people.
I am a loyal and good friend but no one else seem sto want to reciprocate - - is it me?

I get very lonely.

Live is Surrey if anyone wants a good friend...