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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ive just come across my dh 's real dad on FB whom he's never met is it really bad that i want to make contact.....

11 replies

allthreerolledintoone · 28/09/2010 13:55

Dh has never met him before although they spoke on the phone a few years ago for the first time for a few months. However dh then boke contact because mil had serious issues and was putting dh under alot of pressure.

Dh then tried to make contact again without the input of mil but things never got on track as his real dad had moved to another country so it made contact quite difficult and expensive (plus we didnt have FB then) so dh just didn't bother.

I can't stop looking at this guys picture on his profile page and wondering what he's like (dh is nothing like mil thankgod). Plus theres my children and their family history not to mention real grandfather. Part of me whats to explain to his dad why he broke contact as typically with all men he didn't give an explaination and didn't want to bad mouth his mum. I know it would be wrong to contact him but im so curiuos since having the children.

OP posts:
aleene · 28/09/2010 13:57

I don't think it is your place to make contact. It is your DH's. Have you told him about your discovery?

PlumBumMum · 28/09/2010 13:58

Speak to your dh first, do not go behind his back its his father

CMOTdibbler · 28/09/2010 14:01

Leave dh to think about it without any pressure from you. Its a big thing, and only he can decide

Do not contact him yourself

allthreerolledintoone · 28/09/2010 14:05

I know, i know you are right. I just feel like dh wouldn't go back there now because when he regained contact the second time his dad was more cautious and wanted to keep it from his wife this time around. I feel like i just wanted to explain to him that he broke contact the first time because it was causing problems with his mum and with his real dad's family and he didn't want to break families up so he walked away. But he never told his real dad this.

OP posts:
1234ThumbWar · 28/09/2010 14:10

No, no, no - I would be livid if I were your DH.

Talk to him about it and leave it up to him.

swallowedAfly · 28/09/2010 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

allthreerolledintoone · 28/09/2010 14:15

I will meantion it to him over the weekend after a few glasses of wine! Men always seem to open up after theyve had a drink. Is it natural for me to be curious though???? Its weird looking at a complete stranger who looks like my dh and one of my children. God why are families so messed up!

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 28/09/2010 14:17

Dh does not know his birth parents and would never, ever forgive me for contacting them behind his back. It would be a breach of trust of such magnitude that I am not sure how our marriage would cope. I too am curious and I know the dcs will be but all of that comes second to the very complex and deep seated feelings dh has about the whole thing. Don't do it.

allthreerolledintoone · 28/09/2010 14:24

I know everyone is right i wouldn't do it to him. Part of me just feels that i know dh would like to but fears being rejected so i just wanted to explain to his real dad to pave the ground iykwim. But i know even with good intention it would be wrong to.I just wish mil hadn't screwed things up for him and then end up disowning dh anyway but thats another storey Sad

OP posts:
MoralDefective · 28/09/2010 14:30

Mind your own business...i'm adopted and would do my fucking nut if anyone attempted to make contact with my 'family'Angrystay out....it's up to your DH....how did you just happen to come across this person?..did you look for him...?seriously,it's a minefield,

TheFirstLady · 28/09/2010 14:44

Don't do it. I'm adopted - if DH did this I would be absolutely furious. It would be such a huge betrayal of trust that I'm not sure our marriage could survive it.

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