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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Still angry 18mths on, don't know how to move on

14 replies

robynjane · 27/09/2010 18:58

Hi, i'm new on this so i'l try to keep it brief.
Stupidly, i became involved with my closest friends brother. We've been close friends for 23yrs but i didn't know her brother that well even tho she's close to him..I moved 180miles, lost nearly £30,000 for quick house sale, [ they told me i shouldn't be greedy and made me feel bad and to think how happy i would be to be with him]. The day i moved in with my 8yr old he changed so completely i was shocked. After a year of crying every night, which is NOT me at all, he came back from work, ill n went to bed. Went thru his phone found txts from another woman making it clear they were more than friends.My friend laughed n said i was imagining it etc.
I put up with allsorts of shit from him n 16yr old dd. Moved back, costing loads more, friend rang now and again then rang n told me how happy he was with txting woman n how well off they were etc..i feel devasted still as i couldn't remain friends with her, i'm now in a low paid job, and for the first time i can't afford to buy a house. I feel sooo STUPID and so angry. i can't get my life back on track even tho in the past i've had lots of awful things happen and always remained positive

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thatsnotmyfruitshoot · 27/09/2010 20:25

They sound awful and I think you're well rid of both him and your "friend".

I think all you can do is chalk this up to experience, move on and upwards, maybe retrain to get yourself into better employment. I know it must suck, but I'd completely cut contact with them and make some new friends. Everyone makes mistakes, so don't beat yourself up, it sounds like you were too trusting and got carried away. I'm sure you won't be again.

robynjane · 27/09/2010 20:29

Thanks..its just easier said than done. She was a good friend up until then but bloods thicker than water i know.

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LittleMissHissyFit · 27/09/2010 20:30

Agree with fruitshot, this is a lesson learned. What a horrible pair they were.

With hindsight, perhaps renting your house out would have been a better idea. Learn from this, not to make permanent decisions that involve your family without being mega sure that it's going to work out.

You poor, poor thing, i really feel for you.

Let the anger go, you are justified in feeling it, but it's not helping you at all, it's hindering you.

Turn the energy into forward propulsion, not backward.

Stick to metaphorical fingers up to them and show em you are so much better than them!

Wishing you all the luck in the world!!

robynjane · 29/09/2010 19:07

Thanks for that..just found out im starting with an early menopause which would explain the severe mood swings,
..wanting to batter my mouthy daughter with her own tongue..to the tears and depression where ive tried to get my soppy spaniel to kill me by suffocation, [he likes to lay on me and lick me].
I won't take the revenge route even though i have all his bank details :]
just have to move on and find the next emotionally stunted, ego driven, control freak

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Mummiehunnie · 30/09/2010 10:16

I wonder if your anger is actually a build up, you have stated that you have had other bad things happen in the past, do you think this bad thing's anger is like the final straw and you are finally letting it all out!

Have you felt connned by other close or loved one's in the past? as you expect to find another ego driven, control freak who is emotionally stunted!

I wonder if his sister was taught that her brother had entitlements in childhood!?

You are fantasing about battering your daughter and you describe her words as mouthy toung, has anyone done that to you?

You say you want to be suffocated, has that been done to you?

I have not had the menopause myself, I get the feeling that the symptoms you describe as being normal, have you spoken to your gp about just how your mood is swinging?

I know for me when I got pmt (until I accdepted the childhood and adult abuse I had) it would all come out then, the tears, the anger, the depression etc, until the hormones calmed down again! It can be very scary to feel so out of control.

I would go and book some counselling, the anger had to come out eventually, you have held it in a lifetime if i am correct, let it out! One good way I noticed for my kids recently (wishI had worked this out when i was out of control angry) was to do the boxing thing on the wii! great release! Also to recognise that in some families you are not allowed to feel sad and anger is the feeling that is ok, and sometimes it is not ok for some people to express anger and they have to repress it!

robynjane · 01/10/2010 18:10

My last msg was my sense of humour [ i don't seriously want to batter my dd], which has been one of the things that has got me through life.

You have a point mummiehunny when you say it could be a build up of anger.

When i was younger, myself and younger sister had a terrible time for approx 8yrs..started when i was eleven and she was 6yrs. She has never recovered to this day..severe depression then led to schizophrenia..[shes now 37yrs]. I on the other hand,probably because i was that bit older, even at a young age was very accepting of things i could not control and not once felt sorry for myself etc. Anger never came into the equation. Betrayal on the other hand, by someone who is aware of my history and my trust of the few people i truly care for and love..i find unforgivable and have surprised myself at the level of anger and sense of revenge i feel.

Maybe i came on here just to vent my anger..

My eldest daughter, who's 23yrs, has told me it is so out of character but completely understandable, which does make me feel a little better but i'm fighting myself every day not to take revenge..

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Mummiehunnie · 01/10/2010 19:26

humour gets you through then, so come on here and tell us some funny revenge things and get it out of your system!

Here are some a former friend told me :

hated her ex's exercise machine in the living room, so just before he came to collect it she stuffed it full of frozen prawns!

Cut all the tounges off her ex's trainers

what do you fancy doing?

robynjane · 01/10/2010 19:49

okay mh, Smile

These are a couple of things i have done..not toooo bad methinks..

My ex cheated on me so i used his toothbrush to clean the toilet..i used to have a giggle thinking how much she would like kissing him!

He wouldn't pick his dirty socks up off the floor so i saved them for a week and filled his pillowcase so he could take in the full aroma..Smile Not too bad!

I did read about one woman who had half emptied her husbands aftershave and filled it with her own urine so the 'other' woman could kiss her piss! I felt that was a step too far for me personally.

I'm not a vindictive person at all but i wish i had taken minor revenge so i could laugh later..

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Mummiehunnie · 01/10/2010 19:52

omg toothbrush, feel sick...

like pillowcase

omg woman aftershave, feel sick again...

what would you like to do then?

robynjane · 01/10/2010 20:00

The toothbrush thing isn't as bad as it sounds considering how little he'd brush his teeth..urrgh

I can laugh about just about anything but with him and her i really want to inflict some emotional pain because they are unaware or plain don't care about what they did do me. This is why its so unlike me.

I sound like a rottweiler in knickers i know, wanting to inflict pain on others but i'm not a crackerjack..yet!! Smile

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robynjane · 01/10/2010 20:20

One of my exes thought he was superior to me and liked to be the boss so if we were having an argument and he started to go upstairs i would wait til he was halfway up then shout, 'get upstairs out of my sight'. He would literally stand then confused for a few seconds then wouldn't move because he refused to do what i'd 'told' him. He sat on the stairs for 3/4 of an hour once not realising he was doing exactly what i wanted! Smile..

God i do sound like a crackerjack!..lol

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Mummiehunnie · 01/10/2010 20:31

what do u want to do to the former mate and her bro your ex?

robynjane · 01/10/2010 20:54

I don't need to do anything to him because hurting her would hurt him as they are very close..He threatened to kill me if i hurt her

I want to do to her what he did to me..make her lose her home, her income and suffer emotionally by being betrayed. Obviously there was a lot more to it than what i've already written.

About 15yrs ago she had an affair and told me everything..her husband found a txt msg..[he is incredibly jealous and possesive] It was nothing too incriminating but he reacted badly, she left him and he asked her to go back to the house to talk about things. When she went back he told her if he couldn't have her no-one could then strangled her to unconciousness. He went to prison and she took him back when he was released. She spoke up for him in court so he served a year then she took him back and has used it as a way of getting everything she wants..She even called her newborn daughter after the guy she had the affair with and her h dosen't know![obviously there is no excuse for what he did]

I don't want to hurt her physically so i've said nothing but i know the pair of them have slated me to anyone who would listen and turned it around that i was the bad bitch for leaving and hurting him.

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robynjane · 01/10/2010 21:31

I've just read that back.

I really sound nasty and mean, i'm ashamed of myself..i'm going to bed

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