Huge and very heartfelt thanks to everyone who posted on my previous thread.
A month after my husband walked out, things continue to be very difficult, and very stressful. However, we have more or less reached an impasse in terms of my ability to understand why he did what he did. I don?t think I am going to get any more answers out of him for a long time, and so although I am really struggling with the fact I don?t really understand what he has done and why he has done it, I need to move on. The thing I find particularly tough is that he claims now that it just comes down to the fact he fell in love with someone else. I understand that these things happen, I really do, but it seems that he just allowed it to happen ? allowed himself to carry on seeing her, spending time with her, confiding in her, and did nothing to try and change our relationship. If he?d pulled back from her, or at the very least indicated to me that he was unhappy with our relationship then I do genuinely think we would be in a different place now. Maybe still separated, but at the very least separated in a far more amicable way.
However, it is what it is and as I said I need to move on as I can feel myself starting to become stuck in a constant cycle of questioning him and what he did and why he did it. From now on, I feel this has to stop being about him, and start being about me and the children, and what is best for us.
So in the spirit of new starts, this is a new thread.
Where do I begin? How do I start to get used to life on my own? My self esteem and self confidence is pretty much in tatters, because I feel so rejected and let down. I need to rebuild that, and start to work out what and who I am. I don?t know where to start. I am really worried about the financial side of things as well. Although I do believe he will do the right thing, I worry that the income we have won?t stretch far enough. I know we will need to make changes (housing, schooling, child care), but can?t work out which of the possible changes will be the least bad for the children.
And I am very very worried about the children. ds is really too little to understand much, so is fine on a day to day basis, but I know it?s hard for boys to grow up without a father figure. My husband swears he will be the best father he possibly can, and I think he means it, but how do I keep him closely involved when frankly I can barely look at him without wanting to cry or be sick? And I am really worried about dd, who is taking it all so very much to heart, and has become incredibly sad and weepy a lot of the time. She?s also desperately trying to make it right for me, which is just wrong ? she?s 5, and shouldn?t have to worry about her mother?s state of mind. I am trying to be positive and calm in front of her, and am succeeding a lot of the time, but it?s so hard. I am so proud of her for being so caring, but it breaks my heart to see her struggling to understand what has happened. At what point do we accept that we can?t help her anymore and get her to see a professional? What?s normal in the context of your parents separating? The advice I?ve found is all so generic.
Sorry, this is vague and a bit unhelpful. But I found your input so valuable before, and would really appreciate some advice on where to go next.