Can anyone give advice on this Marital problem

[loisebony]

Hello-Im new to this site-but have found some answers on here to problems very helpful

Need to keep this brief

2nd marriage 15y-2 boys 12y 14y
Older 2 children left home eyc

Big mortgage-i pay-H earns less

Difficult marriage due to stepkids(he has 2 grown up from 1st marriage) Lots of verbal rows-my family dont like H, my kids not comfortable around him etc. His parents divorced-Dad died recently. He is retraing as Teacher at m-he also as Asperger traits.

I find living with him 24/7 so difficult but can tolerate him certain times and we can get along-he is quite dependent on me.

I really like my own space and independence but also like to have time with him

He is a good Dad-loves his children
We have talked of seperation due to difficulties but he wont move out-cant afford to-i cant as paying mortgage-also boys want and need both of us

Solution-we get bigger house to allow for space between us-own rooms etc/ dont want to put pain of divorce on boys if we all do get along at times-and they are happy when we are getting on but cant stand it when time amtime again we fall out because we dont want to be around each all the time.

What do others think?
Could this arrangement work?? Is it fantasy??
Im not interested in another relationship
I just want this to somehow work for us all x

Could work. A relative of mine started sleeping in a separate room from her husband. Their children found it a bit odd but coped. Ten years later (!) they are back to sharing a room again. Their differences weren't enough to get a divorce (plus kids were young). Now all at uni and they've worked through the issues and are happy together again.

So it could work.

Can you afford a bigger house? It may well be the right idea, but if you will be stretching yourselves horrendously to manage a bigger mortgage, that will lead to more rows and bitterness in the long run.

Sleeping in a separate room isnt going to give you that much space I wouldnt have thought unless its almost like student house set up where you spend your leisure time in "your " room.

I suppose I dont really know what you have in mind and SGB has a point about all the extra expense and upkeep of a bigger house.

A couple of my friends' parents did this and it seemed to work well. They stayed together, did their own thing and rubbed along okay until the kids left home then they went their separate ways. Even though the kids knew it wasn't normal happy families, it didn't disrupt their lives like a divorce and actually helped their self-confidence as they understood their parents were putting the family's needs first. As long as you both agree on what needs to happen and can get on for as long as it takes, I think it's a route well worth trying rather than more upheaval.

Yes would rent first to see if it did work and could save the relationship and boys are happy-i not then we would have to proceed to living in seperate homes so what
I have read of couples who are married but do have seperate homes and things work really well-not conventional I know but if all happy then so what/

I dont think Im that conventional and value time alone/time out but enjou also getting together as a family...am I really odd???

Well I am not in a couple-relationship with my DS' dad and we don't live together, but the dad comes over at least twice a week and spends a lot of time with DS - our family works just fine. We co-parents get on well enough to do family days out together, but both agree that if we all lived in the same house we would drive each other nuts.
How does your H feel about all this?

Im waiting for when he is in the 'mood' to talk.....
Have several suggestions and hope we can come up with solution as juat CANNOT continue as we are x