I've changed my name to get advice on this one and I apologise in advance for the lengthy tome...
I'm a survivor of child abuse who for 20 years has not spoken to either of her parents. My abuser was my father/stepfather (mums never had the decency to clear up the circumstances around my birth) but was never convicted due to lack of evidence. I was however assessed by social services, child pyschs etc and award a sum of money by CICA for the abuse that I suffered. I was removed from home, fostered and eventually went to live with my maternal grandmother who is now dead. I have 7 siblings(I'm the eldest) who were initially put on an 'at risk' register. Obviously this issue caused a huge rift in the family. Years later attempts were made by my siblings to contact me. A few more years later my maternal grandfather is in a home and family members go to visit him. There has been a constant undercurrent of hostility which has recently culminated in some nastiness between family members on facebook (not me but about me)and a nasty letter from my mother to a cousin calling me a liar. I responded to this by writing my mother a letter asking for a mediated meeting ending with a respectful request to stop the nastiness as it wasn't conducive to maintaining civility around an old and frail man. My mother wrote back to me denying any nastiness saying the letter she wrote was factual, that I'd better be careful what I say, that she feels sorry for my kids and will set up a fund for them!!!! I have requested my social services files and am going about requesting subsequent pyschiatric reports done on me in adulthood as you can imagine this did me some damage for a long time afterwards. It makes me feel sick to think that this woman turned her back on me and chose a violent child abuser who even allowed one of his friends to abuse me when I was 9. I lost my entire family and was left to deal with the repercussions of the abuse for years to come. If it hadn't been for my grandmother and my aunt (mum's youngest sister in the police force at the time) I would have killed myself and now after 20 years she wants to start painting me as the villain again. It's brought up so many old feelings but what I want is to 1)find out once and for all if this man is my father or not 2)continue a recent relationship struck up with one of my sisters at her instigation 3)come up with a compelling piece of evidence that would prove I never lied (I know that this is impossible but I dream of finding it anyway!) Sorry I told you it was an essay!