online dating/dating in general. - men, they are all the same

[notquitemonday]

have been dating for about ayear. both online and meeting people normally.
Has been nothing short of rubbish.
Men are, quite frankly just obsessed with sex. Which is fine and everything, im a highly sexed person myself, but i just really want someone to like me for me.

I was seeing younger men, Am early 30's and dating men 24-26, so dedided to change tact and see if the older ones were a bit more sensible.

Met this nice guy online, mid 30's fab job in he city, lots of great hobbies, likes to bake!!! just really really nice and have been chatting for about 6 weeks. He has asked me out loads of times, but ive b een a bit busy, but we do have something arranged for two weeks time.

anyway, email, text chat, randomly. not daily obsessivley. Seemed to be really genuine and nice and interested.

Last night he asked if he could call me, and he did and we had a nice chat for about 90 mins.
Then the conversation got all steamy and ended up in phone sex.

not saying there is anything wrong with that, i certainly enjoyed it. but now i just feel a little bit let down, because he cant actually be interested in me, its clearly just a sex thing and when we go on our date, he will just be trying to get into my knickers wont he.

I dont know if im just being naieve. All of my previous relationships have started with sex, including my marriage. i am a highly sexed person and really open. But i just want someone to like me for me, not because of the sex.
or is that just plain stupid

If you don't want people's opinions then don't post on here!

There is nothing wrong with liking and talking about sex. If, however, you want to meet a really decent chap who won't try to get in your knickers on your first date (which I think is what you are looking for) then you need to raise your game a bit. Not all men are rampant sex obsessed beasts.

I do know exactly where you are coming from. People would be horrified at some of the things I did and I ended up going out with quite a few dodgy blokes as a consequence. When I radically revised my expectations, DH popped out of the woodwork. There is hope!

Why not tell him how you feel? He might be a decent person who would understand what you have to say, and if he doesn't then that's what you expected anyway?

I'm wondering about dating ettiquette myself as I've just come out of a long term relationship and not come close to starting a new relationship.

Is it wrong to talk to several people at one time, if you are not in a relationship? And to go on dates with more than one person if you do not do anything physical?

I can't see what is wrong with this, I'm not into phone sex or anything and I cant be cheating if I'm not seeing anyone, but is this bad dating ettiquette?

Sorry to hijack the thread here.

Well, he has been really nice all week. No more sex talk, then out of the blue he started it up again last night.
Really graphic texts.

Once i can maybe understand, but twice. Nope.

We havent any firm plans to meet, a few weeks ago we had said this coming weekend but neither of us have mentioned it since. Im just going to not say anythng and if he does i shall say i had made other plans as he hadnt said.

or do i just tell him im no longer interested?

Doesn't the sex sex sex thing appear a bit too often in your question? It's almost as if you feel it's not a normal thing to want. Most men want sex and are easily coaxed if the words are right (phone convo). You can't avoid the subject when you are starting a relationship, it would be a bit eyebrow raising if you avoided the subject like it's taboo, I think, but it's the focus that seems to concern you. Don't forget that you were the other half of that convo so you must have been getting something out of it too. There is nothing wrong with that.

If something suggestive was offered, (think and be honest)then obviously a guy looking will take the opportunity to enjoy where it leads. I don't think it's a fair assumption that they are all the same. It's where it's leading to. The only thing is, if you do that before you actually physically meet them, it is a bit worrisome.

You say you are highly sexed, but I guess you mean with the right person, not just anyone. You can't assume if this person is the right one on the outset and be put off because he is interested in getting sexy on the phone. I think you feel guilty now that you crossed this point and think it's set up pre empt about who you are and what you're into too early on in the game.

Listen, we're all human, all need a bit of fun, it's just harder to rectify when you want to make a certain impression on someone but you've allowed the flood gates to open too early.

Also - a thought, I have a friend who loves the attention she receives through texting naughty stuff, even tho she doesn't have any intention of meeting them. They send her photos and saucy stuff and she loves it, but it never goes any further than that. It's a childish thing that I don't really get, but it's the cunning way she leads them on. First of all it's innocent and sweet and before you know it she's has them sending her pics and texts that would make your hair curl. I can honestly say that she has managed this with every one of them. They can't all be weirdo's, some of them seem so nice at first - in the initial stages. It's her way of being naughty and flirty.

Personally she has some issues, big ones, but what I mean by this is that, just as it's safe for some women to express themselves like this, there are men out there who get as easily caught up in it, just because it's there.

I myself met a really lovely guy on the internet and I didn't even mention the 'sex subject' for weeks. We talked about loads of stuff and had similar interests etc, similar experiences. We met and had the weekend together and he slept at mine the first night, we have a great sexlife and I don't regret anything I did, spontaneous or not. On the other hand, I had a guy before who was up to the texting and booty calls and it lasted a few months and was a weird relationship anyway.

Kally - i think your first post really kind of sums it up.
You are totally right, its the focus that concerns me, Especially when you havent even met someone.

Yes, im highly sexed and open and experimental, but only within a relationship, not just with anyone.

Yes, i feel a bit guilty that a line was crossed way too early. But it also puts me off as it sort of give the wrong impression of me and also makes me think that is all they are interested in.

Ive decided to just write this one off, chalk it down to experience and not mention it again. Like i said, i had told him i was free this weekend, but he has made no mention of meeting up, not asked if i were still free, not asked if i still wanted to do anything, not came up with a date. Nothing.

All that points out to me he is not really interested. If he were he would have at least asked. If maybe he had asked i wouldnt maybe feel quite so bad and quite so uncomftable about the whole thing.

Awww, don't beat yourself up about it. Look upon it as a one-night stand in the virtual land of booty calls. Just next time, however interested you are, or he seems, keep that stuff for when the relationship has established it'self a bit.

And if this guy calls again just ignore him. You can't put that right, he sounds like he just wants to have a free jerk off especially if he's no longer pursuing you to go out/meet etc.