My friend is facing imminent separation

[codswallop]

Can people who have been through it tell me how I can be a good friend to her. hat I must say/do and what I musnt?

BTW I think she is well rid! She is keen for it all to end. No other parties involved.

I would say take your lead from her, I have experience here having been through 2 separations (although the second one we did get back together) - obviously provide a sympathetic ear when she wants to talk but she may not want to talk about the separation all the time - I had one friend who was endlessly patient but constantly wanted to 'go over everything' with me and sometimes you just want to be 'normal' - go out, have a drink and a laugh or whatever!

Be careful about slagging off her ex - whatever you may think - it only emphasises that she has made a lousy choice - and you never know if they might get back together again!

Practical help is great, if she has children offer to have them so she can get out on her own, invite her round for a meal, if she can get a sitter (or if the kids are with the ex) offer to go out for a 'girls night' - go easy on invitations to 'mixed events' as its all too obvious that she's on her own in the early days.

yeah - don't slag off the ex, massively agree with Lindy on that one, just be supportive and keep her busy.

great!Think I can remember those. More?

As others have said - take your lead from her. I too went through a horrible separation and divorce and wanted sometimes to go over things and other times to just be me and escape from the horrible things for a while. Practical help is also very appreciated - as others have suggested. The best I can say is listen.... It is hard but I had an aunt who I was able to call any time of the day and night when things got a bit too much. Sometimes (very infrequently) things would get on top of me at 2 or 3 in the morning and to know that if I needed to I could call her was a big help. More often than not I did not call but to know I could was helpful. ( may not be practical for you ) But again - just someone who would listen....

Agree about not slagging off the other person - or the old I told you so - or I knew it was wrong or I knew he was having an affair before you got married etc was really not helpful. IT made me feel even worse...... I knew I was well rid of him and went on to do lots of travelling and meet my wonderful dh but I didnot need anyone to tell me iykwim.

hope that helps.

agree with what everyone here as said.
let her talk when she is ready

great advice here.
If she is a close friend you are probably already pretty in tune with her.
When I went through this I really appreciated my good pals turning up out of the blue with a bottle of wine or insisting on dragging me out for a bite to eat.

The other thing though it probably won't apply to you is don't befriend her ex! ( as my best friend did)

Her bf has already sided with her ex! Cow face

Just be there for her - whenever she needs you - and make he aware of the fact that she can call drop in at anytime - I have more thanonce summoned people from the neighbouring county in the middle of the night because I needed a good winge or just a shoulder to cry on (DP is lovely but sometimes I want to speak to a girl about stuff).

Try not to side with anyone - my best friend will offer help and advice and tell me what she "would maybe do/feel like" but never mention x's name - that is until she wrote a statement for me - but all in all just be a good friend.

thanks all

el codstero,are you sure nothing`s going on between bf and dh?happened to my sis!

hmm not sure how to ask that!!

we are off to hers this week for pizza wine and beauty treatments.. - she doesnt know the last bit - we are all face masked up!