After 29 years my husband has left me

[everest10]

In July, my husband of 24 years (we have been together for 29) told me he has been having an affair for 6 months with an old girlfriend he had been with before we met - 30 years ago.She is divorced and her husband did to her what she is doing to us. He was unfaithful and now having Googled M in June of last year 'to see what he was up to', her commitment to her relationship to my husband 'overrides any guilt she might have felt about breaking up our family'. My husband tells me he no longer loves me as a husband should , but only as the mother of our children.
My world and that of our children, 21,18 and 15, has been utterly shattered. T o everyone around us - me included- we had a wonderful relationship, and was always seen as solid as a rock, with the usual periodic ups and downs. Living apart 4 days a week due to his work has meant in his words 'the disparate life I have been leading has resulted in my becoming increasingly detatched from my life at home and I have met and fallen love with someone else who is in love with me, and I want to be with her and make a future with her'.
I experience every emotion in the book on an hourly basis. I cannot get my head around the fact that he's so calm an completely
detatched about it all. He's concentrating on rebuilding/maintenaing his - now damaged -
relationship with our children who seem to be responding to him which is of course good, although they are angry at how he's hurt me. He's got everything covered, and is consistantly urging me to be united for the children. He's paying the bills and not in any way quibbling about finances. I am fully aware that this might not always be the case. The OW will in time naturally expect him to 'get the wife and finances sorted so we can get on with being together and plan a future' However he is at great pains to assure me that she is in no way influencing how quickly things move, and has no interest in his money. (of which there is little)
I I love my husband deeply and want him back. Help.

Dear Everest10, My H walked out on me 8 days ago after 17 years of ( I believed) very happy marriage. We have a 7 year old daughter & I am bereft. I know just how you feel. He too is "in love" with an OW - she is 16 years his junior. Hang on on there though. We WILL survive this! And we will be better than we ever were before. Hold your head up, girl! All we ever did was love & we should be proud. love love love to you from another broken heart

Hi Everest 10 and Deedee 21, how I feel for you. I too have been serially cheated on during a long marriage. Only MN made me realise that even non-physical affairs are cheating. I got sick, he cheated more, saying it was not important. I left him and forced myself to rebuild my life, forced myself to make and reinforce friendships and hobbies. I grew in confidence, strangely he started to respect me a bit. He was surprised that I didn't crumble ( although inside I was in pieces). Then recently he developed a very serious health problem. Suddenly he wanted a reconciliation, which MN talked me out of. Why should I nurse him? He was only using me for his purposes. He misses a loving wife. Suddenly his shallow women are not the answer, and may well be falling away. Lots of appalling cliches come to mind: Poetic Justice, Karma, Come uppance, just deserts, even Revenge being sweet (not that I would ever wish ill health on anyone). My mother would have said, " what comes around, goes around," or " God isn't sleeping".

Your turn for peace and happiness will come if you give it a chance, his future is by no means certain to be all roses. End of horrid cliches. But, I have come to accept that all relationships eventually end. We came here single and no doubt eventually depart the same way. I have learned slowly to enjoy what I do have, friends, children, dog, hobbies and most of all ME. I hope my ramblings can give you some hope.

I am so so sorry, poor you :-(

no advice, but hope whatever happens you all fine peace

what a selfish cxxt

I know a time has passed since the last message but I hope you are now starting to feel happier.

I have just told my husband to leave after 33 years marriage and 2 children.

For the last 14 months he has just given up on our marriage. He just clammed up and would not talk about our relationship. it took me 6 months to get out of him that he just stopped trying with the marriage. Not sure if there is ow involved as cannot get that far. I have tried everything to get him back emotionally, i have lost 3 stone, dyed my hair and now wear make up but to no avail be just does not love me anymore.
I could not take anymore and for my own sanity told him to go and he left without a fuss.

You and the messages given to you have helped me greatly to see that there is a life beyond a long marriage and now i have to start the grieving process - even if I did chuck him out. Your all have given me hope.

Er.... No