Okay, I've posted before once or twice about my DP and the problems we've had because of his depression (he's still not doing hugely well, but he is at least not spending hours upstairs hiding sleeping and can tell me when he's having a bad day, which I do call progress. I'm bearing up okay, though tired as DD is now 2months and I'm BFing her so getting broken sleep (DP has trouble sleeping because of his depression, so he's not always feeling that chipper of a morning either though).
Anyway, to shake things up a bit (I'm trying to be lighthearted about this because every other time I start thinking about it I get weepy) this time it's my mum.
I've had issues with her since my parents separated really, but in the lat few year accepted that what she did she did because of her upbringing, and was able to put it behind me a bit and not get so angry about how controlling she was. But DP has never forgiven her for turning up at the hospital when DS was being born and not leaving the delivery suite (DP and I were too tired and shot away to tell her to scat), thereby spoiling the moment that DS was born. She also told me pretty much flat out to leave DP when his depression first manifested itself, and has strongly hinted at it since, also saying that she 'wants to be wrong about him' but that he needs me more than I need him, and that basically he's a leech and I should get rid, even if I only left temporarily to knock some sense into him 
. She (once) grudgingly admitted that he was a good father, but even manages to put a negative spin on all the wonderful, healthy food that DP spends ages cooking (and in the process often helps him feel a bit better) by saying that ready meals would be cheaper, when you factor in electricity for the cooker etc.
Recently, she basically told me that one of DS's tantrums (he's 2 1/2) was because I was a bad parent and unable to keep the house spotless, which left me slightly staggered (so I stupidly let if go while the phonecall continued) and when the shock hit me, left me in tears. DP at this point basically said enough is enough and he doesn't want to see herr in the house - he won't stop her coming, but if she visits again, he won't be here for the duration of her stay. (His parents live 5 mins away now, while she lives 6/7 hours away, so it's not quite as drastic as it sounds.) He's also told me to stand up to her, but I feel bad saying anything because I know she'll then start moaning about me endlessly to my siblings, who are younger than me and still live with her. I feel bad at the thought of that, because, realistically, I can just not phone her, and nod and smile vacantly while she lectures me (I know it's bad to be such a doormat, but I've always been a bit of a coward when it comes to her).
DP also said he doesn't particularly want our DC to be around her as she's such a negative influence (with some fairly unpleasant opinions on other matters at times) though again, he won't veto contact. He is getting increasingly annoyed that I haven't told her to stop saying what she's saying. (she also tells me all the time how to arrange the house and that I should clean more as the house is filthy - frankly, as long as the DC are healthy and happy, which they are, I keep ignoring this lecture.)
Not entirely sure why I've posted this textwall. I guess I'm just not sure where to go from here. I thought I'd put to rest all my issues with her, and avoided any conflict, but now it's rearing up again. At the same time, DP isn't all that easy to live with either, and there are days I want to leave (but I can't as there's nowhere for me to go but live with my mum - I can't be left unattended with the DC as I have epilepsy and fits every fortnight or so; DP is also my carer). The whole thing is starting to get me down, and I just don't know what to do next - sort out my mum, keep trying to find a path to recovery for DP, or just muddle along like I have been. I know I'm not really happy right now, but things with DP and I are improving now I'm not pregnant (I'm a crap pregnant lady), and his depression isn't as intense so the good days are outweighing the bad ones.
It's just, over the top of this is my mum, and the deceit that comes from me not telling DP just how many times she's basically told me to jump ship, and how little I've dared tell her about DP's health in case she starts that up again in force. Arg.