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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can't get rid of OW!!

32 replies

itsallmadness · 21/09/2010 23:15

My life seems to be in one big emotional turmoil.

OW has done everything in her power to destroy my marriage, my friendships and my family. Having fought her off and stayed with DH for the past two years (after a 3 year affair) she just keeps re-appearing. I have posted here before and had great advice. And before any one says it, i know my DH is to blame as well.

I've asked my DH to move out but he hasn't and he basically thinks i'll just carry on as normal. I know its my fault but I just don't have the courage to call a solicitor and I keep thinking about the damage it would cause the DCs. I wish he would have some respect and move out. I cry about what he has done to destroy our marriage every day but he keeps telling me he loves me and wont leave me and that he doesn't love OW.

As for OW, she used to be a friend, who got to know many of my long-standing friends. Some of them turned out not to be friends and I have stopped seeing them simply because I couldn't handle the fact that they chose her over me, even when they knew what she had done. She has lied her way in their lives and the believed everything she said.

I do use FB to keep in touch with friends and relatives. I used to be a very social person with loads of friends. But OW seems to keep cropping up. She has been making friends with people I know on FB and putting comments on their pages because she knows I will see them. These friends don't know that she was having an affair with my DH. I could close my account but I don't see why I should but what also hurts is that these other friends don't know what she has done and I wish I could scream it out to everyone and tell them what a b*ch she has been. I also want to cut off everyone I know that has anything to do with her, just for my sanity. Am I being over-sensitive? I can't even tell these friends what she has done as I don't want my private affairs made public. I feel so confused and hurt. I hate OW for everything she has done and continues to do.

OP posts:
itsallmadness · 23/09/2010 23:57

AF, thanks, your messages make me smile, you are so assertive and strong-willed, completely the opposite to me. If someone else posted and told me to believe my DH and try and make the marriage work, I would probably get confused again!

Going to find time tmrw to call a solicitor.... i hope.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/09/2010 00:09

don't hope

hope implies that a sudden hurricane will blow through your house and dial the number of your solicitor....

from what I understand, women in your situation gained most from taking control, rather than letting events just happen to them

that is not assertion, that is self-preservation and your self-esteem will thanks you mightily for it

contacting a solicitor does not have to mean a final step...it can mean getting your ducks lined up so you make a better informed choice about how you want to proceed from here

AnyFucker · 24/09/2010 00:10

I hope you have sussed I don't mention the OW at all

she is nothing to you

take your focus off her, and him, and put it on yourself

itsallmadness · 24/09/2010 00:19

AF, thanks again. You really do cheer me up!

Secretly but sadly I probably am waiting for that hurricane. No No i hear you say, okay, i'll do it tmrw.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/09/2010 00:25

bloody hell, don't do it for me either

Dione · 24/09/2010 00:29

OP, why would asking for a divorce be the biggest mistake you could make?

LittleMissHissyFit · 24/09/2010 10:20

"he only contacted OW because she was pestering him"

You do know that is utter bollocks don't you?

Since when do men do anything they don't want to?

He has lied and lied and lied again.

Do as AF says, work out your options, where you stand legally, get yourself mentally prepared.

When one of us is suffering domestic violence we tell her to get a bag ready, to prepare herself for the day that she will need to stand up for herself.

What you need to do is similar, research your options, check out the system and how things work.

We are not telling you to call the removal van... though if loading his stuff into it and lobbing him in the back for good measure were on your mind, we'd all roll up our sleeves and help you slam the van door shut. We are asking you to investigate the possibilities.

You know it's not right, you know what he has done. No amount of papering over the cracks will make this life any easier for you.

For the sake of your DC, for your own happiness sake, at least do the research. Right now you are sitting there actually holding all the cards, but feeling powerless.

Knowledge is Power.

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