What advice would you give to a dad whose marriage has ended and whose wife is making it difficult for him to see the children?

[CrumbleGrumble]

He's a great, hands-on dad. There's been no infidelity or abuse (on his part), although his wife has been emotionally (and occasionally physically) abusive towards him and is not easy to reason and negotiate with.

His children are very attached to him, more so to him than their mother, but now they are not together, she is trying to control him via the children (who are still living with her). Although he is lodging locally, she is only happy with him seeing the children every other weekend. So he called in tonight to see them before bed, and she yelled that he wasn't welcome and that if he turned up like this, she would make seeing the children difficult for him (granted, he could/should have warned her he was coming over). After a bit of shouting, she left the house while he tried to settle the children to bed.

His children want to see more of him. He misses his children dreadfully. He hasn't seen the youngest for 10 days. What are his rights? What would be a reasonable access/residency expectation on his part as a starting point for discussion with her (if she will engage in a discussion)?

He has contacted Families Need Fathers, who have advised he sees a lawyer, keeps a diary and stays calm and reasonable. He's waiting to see a lawyer. In the meantime, is there anything else he can do?

Thanks.

welll for a start,once in the court arena it will become apparent,very quickly,that its the children who have the rights here....the parents have NO rights.

how old are the children?

the usual agreements are every other weekend....so each parent gets some quality time,and one midweek day/eve.....alot depends n school,distance etc

his maintenence payments to his wife,for the dc, will be adjusted accordingly.

www.wikivorce.com child residency forums can be very good

Is the XW abusive towards the DC? And does he have any independent evidence of this? (If he just says she is but offers no proof this could look like malice on his part and count against him) If he feels the DC are in danger he needs to be involving solicitors etc quickly.
'Just move back in' is not good advice when there is serious hostility, as this could be very distressing for the DC as the XW may refuse to admit him and indeed call the police and make allegations of abuse against him (Not saying that he is abusive, but a man trying to move back into his home against the wishes of his XW is likely to be percieved as acting abusively if she alleges violence on his part).

Thank you ever so much for posting some really helpful advice. Snorbs, that was an especially useful post.

I'm going to print this out and give the thread to the dad in question. Hopefully it will be of some help to him.

Thank you again.

As stated earlier it is about the children's rights to see their father - not the parents. So if the mother is restricting access then she is acting against the children. A good father is needed in a child's life.

As others say - can he move back in - assuming they are joint owners of the house?
He should get legal advice or at least seek to set-up mediation. Courts like to see that parents have tried to settle via amicable means.It would be best if all requests for regular contact with the children is formal, in writing and copies are kept.The dad should just keep to the issue - regular schedule for contact. All other issues from the breakdown of the marriage (i.e finances) should be dealt with separately.If the wife is being obstructive it's likely to continue (seems to be a trend) so he needs to address this asap. He might want to read a book called Divorce Poison which will help him counteract any negative influences from the mother. Courts do enforce children's rights so the dad ought not to be afraid of getting a contact order if mediation fails. You don't need a solictor for this and FNF site can help. Also the dad should advise the school of the situation - if he has parental rights then he will be kept in the loop regarding education matters.