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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I hate my DP right now!

19 replies

sweetkitty · 05/09/2005 18:59

Am so p*** off woth my DP, yesterday he ran a half marathon so last night he was dying but still managed to have a half bottle of wine and some beers OK he's celebrating. Then he's late for work this morning as he's so sore. He phone sme to ask me to get a taxi to the train station where he parks in the morning to run him home as his legs are too sore to drive. I can't because theres no carseat for DD.

He then comes in early says he got a lift from some guy at work to the train station (he's met this guy twice I think) and he drives back. He then announces he is going out with this guy for a drink as he won't see him again (we are moving) I said I wasn't happy with this and he's like why it's not like we were doing anything.

He says he'll be back at 9 and only have a few drinks (fat chance given past history) the thing that really gets to me is that he (as a man) can just annoucne he is going out for a drink. If I want to go out minus DD I have to plan it in advance ask him to babysit, tell him where I'm going and when I'll be back.

I know this seems unfair but I cannot stand him coming in half pissed and annoying me either!

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 05/09/2005 19:02

God, I hate it when DHs have to be asked to babysit their own children - makes me mad as hell!

SK, can you tell him you're going out in a couple of nights' time? Give him some notice, then tell him it'll be different from now on if he's "allowed" to just up and off in the evenings whenever he feels like it.

Suzyfloozypuddingandpie · 05/09/2005 19:07

Yep! That's men for ya.

ediemay · 05/09/2005 19:10

I agree, make sure he understands how frustrating it is when you can never be spontaneous and a night out involves more logistical planning than the average man's brain could handle in a year GRRRRRR.

Can you ring a girlfriend to come over with a bottle of wine?

Springchicken · 05/09/2005 19:13

Sorry SK but I would be fuming , although that wouldn't help me or make any difference because DP has done it to me over and over again. He's extremely sorry after the event though.

Bet you could kill for a glass of wine atm as well eh? How inconsiderate!

sweetkitty · 05/09/2005 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

hunkermunker · 05/09/2005 19:40

SK, DH has DS every Sunday while I'm at work and doesn't mind at all if I say I want to go out in the evening (I don't do it much, but I know I can iyswim, as does he). It works both ways - I have DS when DH is at work on the days we don't both work during the week - neither of us is fall-on-arse grateful, just happy DS is well-looked after.

Ask him why it's fair he can do what he's done tonight and you can't.

Original poster

sweetkitty · 05/09/2005 21:05

so angry spelt grateful wrong

Well it's 9pm and is he here? No any guesses on time and state he'll turn up in?

Why do men think "well I'm in the doghouse anyway might as well go the whole hog?" will e-mail him at work tomorrow and ask him why he didn't ask me if I minded babysitting tonight?

OP posts:

weesaidie · 05/09/2005 21:45

I hate that 'babysitting' thing too (and I would be pissed off in your situation also).

I always remember when dd was first born and her dad was looking after her (we aren't together) people would sometimes say, 'oh, so is C babysitting?'
I would smile tightly and reply, 'no, C is not babysitting, he is looking after his daughter.'

Grrrrr.

Original poster

sweetkitty · 06/09/2005 08:25

That must really annoy you!

Well I found DP outside the main door at 2am sitting with his pants round his ankles in his own urine - nice! This is the father of my children! Completely plastered unaware of where he was, he has lost his iPod I bought him for his birthday 2 months ago and also thinks he's lost the only key to the car (I've hidden it)!

Well court of mumsnet how do I handle this one?

OP posts:

colditz · 06/09/2005 08:27

didn't you take photos?

Tell all his friends how you found him this am

Springchicken · 06/09/2005 08:29

Hang Him !

Seriously, what a dickhead! Sorry, i know he is still you DP but what a plonker. Did you take photographic evidence?
Don't know what to say really as i would probably deal with it in completely the wrong way, especially the way i felt when i was 21 weeks pregnant.

Springchicken · 06/09/2005 08:30

Colditz - How is everything? Have been thinking about you.

Original poster

sweetkitty · 06/09/2005 08:32

I did take photos!!!

Oh and he's off work today as well, was so proud of him doing the marathon now I good quite happily hang him.

I'm taking the I'm ashamed and upset route as that works better than the angry route. He's already said "I'm such a dickhead" and "sorry"

Think he's having DD today as well!

OP posts:

Lizzylou · 06/09/2005 08:33

I would wait for him to get home tonight, put your coat on and pass him the children....(preferably needing a bath) say you are "popping out" to the pub and will be home at 9pm...then go!

Honestly, why do men act like such juveniles???!!

colditz · 06/09/2005 08:34

Hi SC, all is ok... now I'm crapping myself cos I have to go for the booking in bood tests.

colditz · 06/09/2005 08:35

OOo, yes, do what Lizzylou says, it is a very good idea.

Original poster

sweetkitty · 06/09/2005 08:43

Unfortunately can only had him one child the other one is not born yet which also rules out pub!

OP posts:

dropinthe · 06/09/2005 08:50

My dh acts like this about three times a year and it always pisses me off too! Mine is because he doesn't go out very often,(neither do I/we),and so he feels he must drink as much as possible in order to make the most of it.He will nearly always come back the next day after being up all night stinking to high heaven,apologetic,blah,blahh!Its pathetic!
The last time he fell asleep at a bus stop around 2am and his friends left him-he woke in the morning not knowing what had happened.
Imagine if we did that??
I agree with you-its the fact that they can do theses things IMPROMTU when they get the urge but we have to move a mountain first!
Grrrrrrrrrr to them all!!

at the sight of yours though!!

kelli22 · 06/09/2005 19:04

my dp has just got in from work at about 6.20pm (usually in at 5.20 but has been working l8 alot lately)anyway usually he asks if i mind him going out for abit - normally once a week, this week we had arranged for him to go out tomorrow night but he said his friends had asked him to go out tonight so he just went off n got changed n went out - he gave me a kiss and had that "i know i've completely changed our plans but im gonna go anyway looks!" btw im practically 38wks pregnant though he would come back if anything happened as hes not gone drinking just to a friends for a few hours but im still feeling a bit lonely and was hoping for a night of cuddles(think its the hormones)

goddamnit i wish i had the energy to go out and leave him with our dd but im far too shattered n skint to go anywhere!

anyone have any ideas on something cheap to do which doesnt require any energy, nah soddit i still cant be bothered just wanna hibernate til baby comes...oh well

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