Over sensitive and over reacting?

[CvanA]

Hi, this is the first time I have posted on MN although I lurk quite a lot.

I could really do with some advise, a few months back I had a little 'episode' and did something quite terrible, it was a wake-up call for me and I have since seen my GP and taking anti-depressants.
I have always been totally honest with my DH, after the episode he realised that things were not right and really helped me calm down, went with me for moral support to the GP's surgery and even reminds me to take my tablets. When we sat down to talk after my episode I asked him not to bring it up unless I spoke about it first, I was feeling very ashamed and upset with myself and he promised that it was all done and over in his mind and he promised not to mention it.
Our relationship is quite volatile, we often have arguements which spark out of something insignificant and usually blow over quite quickly as well. Last night we had an arguement, I rather naughtily said well, if you don't like it bugger off, he said - I will and I will take my baby too, get her away from you. I responded saying well you are just as bad and he said - no, at least I have never....... and he threw the awful thing I did back in my face after he promised not too. Even though to some extent I was expecting it, I was stunned, shocked and very hurt. Things are still very frosty between us because I just can't believe that after everything he would do that to me. Am I being over sensitive and over reacting?

I think it depends really on how 'bad' the little episode was. Do you feel up to talking about it?

What's not good is his suggestion of taking 'his' baby away. Not good atall. How old is your baby?

little Moomin (dd) is just over a year old.

I'm not the best person to offer advice as I can be an awful grudge holder. However, I do think it's a bit much for him to throw this episode back in your face. Below the belt.

Perhaps more of a worry though is the fact your relationship is so volatile. It's not a great place to bring up a child. Do you see the relationship calming down any as you get older?

Sounds like a horrible row and a horrible few months for you CvanA.

I do not believe you are over-reacting. Whatever it was you did aside, you have been through a difficult time and thought you had the full support and love of your partner, only to discover in the heat of the moment that he feels things about you, and what happened, that you did not realise.

When I was pregnant my partner said he would demand full custody of our baby if I was ever unfaithful, and I know how much that hurt and haunted me for a long time afterwards. We had counselling some time ago and I brought it up, to him it was just a throwaway comment and he did not realise just how damaging it was to a Mum to have someone threaten to take their baby away. It made me feel very insecure and like if I'm "good" and "nice" he will love me and support me and if I take a step wrong he will become a different person, which kind of invalidated the love and support he offered me the rest of the time.

I think you need to sit down with your partner (either informally or in counselling) and talk about what happened and how he truly feels about it. You said you have a volatile relationship, and maybe he said this at the time because he knew it would hurt you but does not actually think it, but it is sometimes the case that the truth about how people feel come out when emotions are running high. You need to find out which is the case.