Feeeling mild panic all the time about life in general

[nervousnamechange]

Recently I have been feeling increasingly disconnected from people and what's going on around me and I don't like it. I don't know if it's noticeable yet but I find myself struggling to say the appropriate thing in social situations, for example.
I probably have more stability now than at any recent time, having coped with a traumatic relationship breakup and resettled myself and dc, retrained in a new job, established us in a new town. But I find myself looking round at the mums I know and thinking they have it so together, and I am just about holding on. I feel in a state of panic most of the time, and I wish my dc had a mother who was genuinely happy and engaged with life and not just going through the motions. I feel like I'm seeing everything from a distance. Does anyone else have spells like this? do they pass? or am I finally cracking up?

So sorry nervous it sounds like you have been through an enormous amount of change and been up to the job of dealing with really hard things so be proud of yourself .

How long have you been in the new town and job? Could it be that now you are in your new life the shock of all the changes is catching up with you? Sorry someone with a better understanding will be along.

What I would say is that so many people I know and know of may have the facade of a perfect happy life but often its a very long way from the reality of whats going on.

You dont say how long ago the break up was but be kind to yourself and allow time to heal before worrying you are doing a diservice to your dc - I am sure you arent.

thanks for replying gettingeasier
I left ex about four years ago so plenty of time has passed. I suppose I have been so busy sorting out the practical stuff that I could think, well, the problem is x or y - and now it's sorted it is all down to 'me' - and I have made such a hash of my life, all the way through. I have a good friend but now our dc are at school the friendship groups are broadening out, sounds ridiculous but I am afraid I'll lose her, as well, as everyone else is better groomed, more intelligent and with smarter houses. I know it's ridiculous and I am more likely to lose her friendship by acting weird! just feeling really spooked atm
and I know people have facades
just want to feel a bit more capable, finding decision making difficult and the future terrifies me as I have suddenly lost confidence that I may succeed in anything let alone the further training I had half planned

thanks also onm
I used to tell people going through this all the time it will get better, cos it does, and it did .. that's why I'm a bit bewildered to be feeling so odd now, when things should be much plainer sailing
I feel as if something about me is deeply flawed tbh

You poor love!

I used to be slightly agoraphobic, following 3 years of practical incarceration in expat hell. I used to avoid going out for weeks, cos when I did, the whole experience of being watched, followed, photographed was too much. Add to this sometimes nasty comments from women cos I'd married one of their men, filthy looks, being shoved about etc etc, It just got to be too much so I stayed in.

When I came back to the UK, i felt like you. Dr told me to try rescue remedy, St johns wort and to see how it went. Over time I got better.

One day at a time, you will get there. Just scale back your list of To Do's and take it a little slower.

Oh yeah and a counsellor years ago told me that if you think you are cracking up... You're not!

Mad people don't know they are mad....

"I probably have more stability now than at any recent time"
This is maybe the reason. Finally you're in a safe place, you can let it all go and feel everything you would have been feeling all along if you hadn't have been so strong.
Like post traumatic stress disorder.
You need to nurture yourself, look after yourself, treat yourself, find time to do things which make you happy and relaxed - you deserve it!

I'm kind of waiting for it all to hit me too. I feel like the events of the last few years might just hit me like a tidal wave. Luckily I've found an outlet - doing something I once used to love doing that I'm now able to do again (hobby-cum-therapy) that takes me out of myself and blows the worries away.
Lots of hugs x

As you know, nnc, it's hardly surprising you're feeling somewhat shell-shocked after making all those mammoth changes - and congratulations on your achievements! I know exactly the 'disconnected' feeling you describe. It's a form of self-protection for your mind, while it processes everything that's gone on. It will pass but it does make life seem so much harder. If you ask your doc for some anti-anxiety/anti-depressants (Mirtazapine might be good for you but ask a professional!) - they'll help your body to rebalance its neural system, which can make a world of difference in just a few weeks.

You might try getting hold of a mindfulness CD, too - helps you to relax and stay in the moment. You've done so many good things, it'll be nice to feel the benefits :)

I second the CD option - I had an episode similar to the one you describe, listened to Paul McKenna's Instant Confidence every day and by three weeks was 80% better...

This is so interesting, I'm another one coming out the other side of lots of trauma but strangely feeling worse again. Am thinking of booking a few counselling sessions just to help clear my head a bit.

I think sometimes when you're actually going through these things, you don't have time to stop and think. OP, I hope you feel better soon, lots of us understand how you feel.

I think when life is going tits up, we have to get on with it and keep it together, and this keeps us so busy that we don't see how different life is for everyone else who doesn't have to go through whatever it is.

Then we come out of it and the blinkers start to come off and we see just what a mess we were in.

Sadly the panic seems to come from the shock of this revelation, and rather than congratulate or praise our selves for being resilient and coming though it all in more or less one piece, we berate ourselves for not being normal.

Deep breaths, rescue remedy, CDs, and time will help us slot back in.

We need to give ourselves time and space to heal. Not easy in a fast paced world, but it can be achieved.

Good luck to all that have struggled. I'm finding taking DS to Infant School troublesome, but am obviously having to do it, taking my rescue remedy and retreating to my house/shell when I've dropped him off.

I'll look into that CD tbh.... thanks for recommending it!

nervous, you are comparing yourself with other women who have not done all that you have done. These women might just freak and run for the hills at any one of the tasks that have been forced upon you.

You could have crumbled, but you didn't. You kept it together for your DC and you have moved mountains.

Well Done you!!!!

Have you spoken to a HV/Dr about how you are feeling? My HV was lovely, really listened and offered a ton of support.

thanks so much all of you, it is great not to feel so alone with this. As it happens since I have posted this two friends have confided in me about their marriage troubles so I am feeling v sorry for them, and glad this time in my life has passed.
I have taken rescue remedy in the past, without it I doubt I'd have passed my driving test! also tried ads when my father died and the breakup kicked off but they just made me sleep, which was no good for looking after a baby and a toddler. So I just carried on.
I feel if I slow down and don't have targets I will go backwards. Need to make them realistic, I expect.
Feel a lot better for simply being understood tbh.
fabblackcat something you love doing is key. I write in my spare time, but that is rather solitary. I am mainly OK on my own, it's when I'm out there in the competitive world of 'real life' that I worry I lack the wholesome background I want for my dc.
Also have come to realise that the job I am doing is great for practicality but I need to find another path longer term. Recognising this is helpful, too.
Will try the CDs, too.

nervousnamechange there is nothing 'wrong' with you, all the changes you describe would have me freaking out and climbing the walls!

Just wanted to mention that it doesn't matter how intelligent you are or how well groomed you look, it's what's inside that counts. And it sounds like you have been working really hard to build a new future for yourself and your family, which is only going to enrich your experience of life, I think.

thanks

Urgh, anxiety is horrible.

If you get panic attacks then there are two organisations which are good (or ther eused to be) - Panic Stations and No Panic.

Claire Weekes' book Self Help for Your Nerves is brilliant.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was get out of bed as soon as you wake up - never lie in bed thinking about stuff.

Mindfulness meditation is great - I like John Kabat Zinn or Jack Kornfield's CDs.

I'ma Reiki master and have found Reiki massively helpful, too - you can just have treatments if you don't want to learn it.

HTH xxx

Anxiety is a reacognised mental illness Nervous. It can be such a debilatating condition and make you feel quite pyhsically ill too.

I know you say you tried Ad's before and they made you feel sleepy but there are many other treatments available that can help with the aniety without bad side effects.

Please speak to your GP, please don't keep suffering. I am speaking from experience.

Am a bit off gp's and medics, had eating disorder as a teenager and short spell in hospital which has left me wary about approaching them for help re mental health issues
I don't want the full service here, just a bit of patching up
Get out of bed as soon as you wake up is a good one, much better start to the day. Only last night it was 3.15, then 4.27, you know the thing
will start with cds, and the positive vibes I've found on here

Are you waking at a regular time? i.e is it always 3.15 or 4.27?

There are many different types of AD, at least one of them treats anxiety too. I was put on citalopram (sp?) didn't have any side effects for me at all.

Also you say that you have uprooted yourself, so have moved, am I right, please try and speak to your new Doctor, perhaps he/she will be more sympathetic than you think.

Tell them you have been through an awful lot of stress, that it's sorted, but that you can't help feeling stressed and anxious. tell them you have panic attacks. Could you take a friend with you, would that help?

Oh and I agree, it's important to have goals, don't forget that you can't really go backwards though, only forwards, perhaps more slowly..

I think you may be setting yourself high tasks at the moment, be kinder to yourself, give yourself some breathing space and you hopefully will feel some let up of the stress.

Hope you have a good day today!