Please someone come and talk to me.

[advicewanted]

I feel so confused and messed up but it's over, totally don't worry I have been prepping for this time. I am under no illusions as to this can be sorted I know it can't.

DH today decided it was time to rearrange the house, including building some furniture that has been waiting ages.

So guess what, he gets me up when I am supposed to be resting, he has built said furniture downstairs needing to take it upstairs, this is 3 man lift size furniture.

So don't ask the obvious as to why he couldn't build it upstairs like I did as it would be highlighting his fuck up wouldn't it and as everything is my fault that would never do.

Well turns out yes, you guessed it, it is still my fault. I can't help him lift as I am pregnant and pretty immobile as a result. So he tried getting this furniture upstairs by himself, damaging the furniture itself beyond repair, the paintwork and putting a hole through the wall.

It's my fault though as it's no good saying after the event he should have done it upstairs, especially as I can't do anything at the moment, he didn't realise quite how immobile I was.

The whole issue is my fault as at the moment I am useless, no good to anyone and it would not have been an issue if I could lift and wasn't so immobile.

TBH I could see it coming but no, he wouldn't have it, he wouldn't dismatle it then re-do it upstairs ohhhhhhhh no, as that would be admission that I am right and he wasn't so it's cost £££££ due to his stubborness money he seems to think grows on trees.

I was in tears about be spoken to and shouted at like a piece of dirt and all he could do was mock me in a child manner, you know like "ner, ner, ner ,ner", "shut your fucking whinging", "shut your fucking blabbing", "I haven't got time for your crying", "Stop snivelling like a baby".

He was so, so, so mean and horrible what have I done to deserve being hated like that, someone tell me? I now call it my lightbulb moment he dosen't love me, he hates me why would he talk to me like that otherwise? I just don't understand what I have done to make him hate me so much .

But then after he calms down he was so apologetic, and so nice, and all so accepting he has been an idiot, it was his fault and so apologetic.

How does someone go from so bloody vicious>kind and apologetic within a couple of hours.

I am still so upset and tbh, just want him out of my life now asap.

Your pregnant and he yells at you like this ?
.

Youve probably read enough on here to know what he is , and that it will only get worse. Youve said or done nothing to cause this , its all about him. I bet if someone wouldve knocked on your door during his rant he wouldve composed himself immediateley. Perhaps start reading up on emotional abuse so you know the blame lies firmly with him. Have you got some support in real life ?

www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/emotional_abuse.shtml

aww hun he is a total monster treating you like that !! ESPECIALLY when your pregnant!! he sound bit like my ex-HB , he used to yell at me for not having house spotless and dinner ready for him etc etc wen had spent whole day chuckin up (had horrendous morning sickness) he would be nice one sec and screaming expletives the next. really feel for you hun i know is not nice situation.
do you have a friend you can go stay with for couple nights? found that helped to get some distance and decide what to do next

Yes I do have support in RL, I was mocked for wanting to go snivelling to my family.

I know what he is I have just struggled to understand it as he is not off with me all the time just sometimes, he goes from mean to lovely so I guess I have always held on tightly to the fact he loves me.

He dosen't he hates me I know that now, you don't speak to someone you love like that do you? So I don't know why he is with me if he hates me so much, I don't want to be with anyone that hates me to such an extent that I know.

Just heartbroken he could despise me so much to speak to me like that

I was mocked for wanting to go snivelling to my family

Of course you were , he doesnt want you telling people what hes like so resorts to mocking. If you havent told your family i think you should , bring this out into the open and name it.

He's only off with you "sometimes"????

Isn't that enough?

Get rid.

He was annoyed at himself and took it out on you. That's totally unacceptable.

To answer your question- how can he be so vicious and then so apologetic....because he can, because you let him treat you like that, and because he obviously thinks so highly of his own position in your relationship that for him this is perfectly normal.

Do you speak to him like that? Is it a two-way verbal abuse situation as normal in your house?

pack a bag and go back to your parents.

or better, pcak his and send him on his way

see a lawyer and get rid fast of this awful, nasty abusive man who is going to get even worse when the baby arrives and you are not rushing every time he clicks his fingers

what kind of a twunt builds bedroom furniture downstairs

So, AW...you're pregnant and he's an arsehole. What are you going to do?

He sounds really awful!!

I wouldn't put up with anyone who spoke to me like this at anytime. How dare he treat the mother of his child this way.

Obviously it is your life but do you see yourself being happy with this man? If you have family support, use it. It isn't 'snivelling'. What a tosser for saying that.

I honestly think you need to consider the sort of life you will have and what will it be like when the baby is here and you are both shattered? Sounds like that will be 'your fault' too from his attitude.

Go snivelling to your family, for goodness sake, the sooner the better!

You haven't done anything to "make him hate you". He would treat any partner this way. IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S HIM. Can someone come and fetch you, as you're not too good for travelling?

Sorry you landed such a cunt. Glad you noticed. Good luck. x

My ex used to do stuff like this to me.

Notice he is the EX.

Get rid. The sooner the better.

I know it's not going to stop and I know it's over.

It's such a mind bender though isn't it? I do really love him, I know it's so cliche but it's true, it's why he has the power to hurt me I think.

The thought of never seeing his nice side again or cuddling and making love rips me apart, the thought of him moving on.

But then the thought that he can be so wicked and upset me so much and continues to do so brings me to my senses. It's not enough for him to just upset me, he has to keep going knowing I am upset and keep going, going, going with the name calling, I can't cope with it. It hurts and upsest me so much I know I can't live my life like it.

I do wonder what I have done to make him do this to me and if he'd be like this with anyone else, he is quite the charmer at first. He just seems to like kicking me whist I am down, making me more upset .

He hates me talking about it and thinks I am a freak for wanting to talk to my family and stuff about it. But what else can I do, when he is upsetting me like that without any let up I need to talk to someone.

I too have had so many apologies and it never changes, I know what needs to be done, I can do it I have already made foundations, it's just so hard, but I NEED to do it before baby comes, I don't want post natal depression caused by him again.

Thanks.

Going off everything ive read and the counselling ive had , it seems its almost a certainty that he WILL be the same with someone else , its really not about you at all , dont take it on.

Even if you could shock or frighten him into stopping , he would maybe stop the name calling but then adopt another abusive behaviour , you would forver have to keep your guard up and look out for less obvious abusive behaviours , its exhausting. They simply replace one with another , when you call them on A they start doing B. These people dont respect or acknowledge boundarys in any way.

Have you read Lundy Bancroft - why does he do that ? It explains really well why they do this , and its NOTHING to do with you.

Dump this shitbag. He will get worse, not better. Abusive men are often nice at intervals, but the purpose of the niceness is to make you think that their abuse is your fault somehow, that they are nice men really. He's not a nice man. He's horrible.
YOU are a nice person and this mistreatment of you is not your fault. There is lots of help out there, your family, friends, WOmen's Aid - you can get away.

He is emotionally abusive. You have done nothing. He would be exactly the same to anyone else. He knows just what he is doing to you.

Good luck with getting out of there. Please do it for your sake and your childrens.

How are you today AW?

He doesn't think you're a freak because you want to tell your family/friends what a monster he is. He's scared you'll tell them and they'll agree that he one and he'll be left on his own till he finds some other poor woman to treat like a piece of shit.

He's actually pathetic when you think about it. And prepare yourself for tears from him, and promises he'll never do it again, and it's the stress of impending fatherhood and the rest of the shit he'll come out with. And if he's like this now, having a newborn in the house (who quite rightly is going to take up 110% of your time and energy) is only going to make him worse.

Hi sorry I am back, I haven't been well at all and at one point the dr's thought it was very serious, eg life threatening to me and baby so been a bit busy.

I stupidly the day after all of this allowed him to have sex with me, it was crap I didn't get nothing out of it and I wanted to just feel close to him. That's the sum total of our sex life, 2 mins foreplay if that and it's all about when he wants he moans I don't pay him enough attention, because I can't stand it, only being used as a release, I want all the cuddles, kissing, closeness not a 5 minute fumble all the time, I just feel used.

I then came down to be quite unwell. He treated me with contempt when I was in hopsital, he treated me with contempt as he had to take time off work.

We also had a big set too as I discovered he had been selectively deleting history and cookies off the pc he has been using whilst I was ill. He has form for this BTW when I was pregnant last time, he spent all the time I was in hospital stalking his ex's and other women on facebook and knocking off to porn whilst I lay there really ill. I'd got it all wrong though and it was coincidence I was out of the picture, he was just curious about what these women were doing with their lives

I kind of hoped I'd got him all wrong, but I haven't, I am sick of him blowing up in my face for everything, being very aggressive in his manner and names, he won't ever change why was I so stupid to pretend all this time he would.

HE IS ABUSIVE I want to shout that again HE IS ABUSIVE and I for one just hate him. I have family around the weekend I will get them to help me make this break once and for all.

I know I should have listened sooner, I just wanted you all to be wrong, even though I knew in my heart of hearts, I wanted him to be the nice person I met, he's not he is an asshole.

Thanks ladies in all honesty right now, I couldn't care if he was fucking about on the net again, I just couldn't good luck to the poor cow who dates him next, hopefully she won't be as stupid as me and put up with his shit for years.