why does he have me on... i know i have to let go help!!!!

[CRAZYCREW]

Hi well i live alone in one big hectic house and yesit is load and have ason by my ex... the thing is i do still think i love him and he has just been to collect his son and he kissed me... i have been distancing myself from him ftro weeks and we have not been togther properly for about 6 mths.. i just wanted comitment thats all for us to love as a big happy family and have him there to support me through everyday life. He is very ill and takes him hous to get up and on in a morning but i dont care really as would be tehre to help him.
Well gues there not much point to this but why does he have me on when he will not commit himself.. just tell me to get on without him please... as i know imustand been fine for the past 4 weeks.
He is not a highly sexed person either and he lost his wife 9 years ago and still think he wants her... when we first met 4 years ago it was me who did not want the seriousness and then we split and now its me that wants the commitment and he wont because of his 12 year old son.

Have you both tried couples counselling ? That might help?

because he thinks if he keeps you hanging on the 'promise' of commitment he will get to have sex with you without having to actually commit.

sex is never an issue as he never wants sex and he beleives his medication has caused this as he has rhumatoid and on tons of meds... i am doing well at moment and not even missed him for the last few weeks.. he has a heart of gold though and will do jobs etc as and when required and he has actually put 20 k into my house but that does not even bother him... he is happy in his bungalow the council gave him with his son.. in the summer holidays we went out on days and he was so boring and says its his meds etc..

not tried any counselling at all.

thanks for replies.

ok, i presume you don't want a romantic relationship with him just a parental one? as in he is the co parent to your ds? in that case you need to tell him straight. lay down the boundary and tell him thre is no possibility of anything more. if however you are still unsure then you need to tell him that but tell him you don't want himto try and persuade you ine way or the other. you need time to mae up your own mind and not have him playing on your emotions.

a few weeks ago i sent him a long email explaining everything... how i loved him(although honestly think i am loosing this as do not hurt as much now)i told him what i waned this being long term comitment not just seeing him odd days here and there.. there is some chemistry there i know and find him very sexy still... he do not sleep meaning have sex no more well not for a good few weeks but he used to tell me he loved me afterwards and thabk you etc but the last he did not... i honestly have to let go as he knows what i want and knows i want support and he never replies to me.. we have tried so many times before and then we just get no where.. he is ill and accepot that but at the end of the day if he truly loved me he would take a risk wouldn't he surely... sorry for going on.

thanks

crazy, i really think you need to move on from this. i sounds like he only tells you he loves you when he is getting something out of it. i understand you have feelings for him. and you know what? that is totally fine, but as long as you accept that the relationship isn't benefitting you. you say you want commitment and he wapnt give you that.

iknow that too and glad you told me so as that is what i have told him and i told him too i rember being in the same situation 1 year ago.. i told him i want security, love and time and he offers none of those only when suits.. i asked him why he just kissed me today and he said he felt warmth and love lol what ever that means... but yes i am moving on.. starting college next week and also booked a holiday for me and the children without him.

thanks for listening..

great, that's what you need to do. sometimes moving on means you have to physically move on and going on holiday without him is exactly that. we are always here to listen anytime, so keep posting whenever you need to talk. enjoy your holiday and embrace your freedom. i love being by myself, i don't have to answer to anyone and can do as i please.

GOD.... sice last wrote on here made conyact with him.. we always would send the odd text as share a babt but i have been through alot this week with ,my daughter etc and not been well and for some reason turned to him to text and share my worries.. did not say i loved him or anything but he said was laways her for me and shar what ever.. he etxt me lots and we met etc and said he still loved me and i said i did too.. text all weeek and met etc but whats the point where he does not want commitmnet or anything.. he is a widower and his wife died 9 years agao do you think he could still be griving as think in away wants more but just something holing him back.. i have since text him tto say stop getting close as whats the point as for the last three years although been in an off relationship with him and have a little baby spent christmas, birthdays alone without him there and been in this scenario so many times before.. i guess he wants me but does not wat me properly... tell me to say goodbye as know i must but the thing is i love him and want to share life and things with hi,. one thing that came up was the fact he is not very mobile and when we went out for days as a family he felt i went off and left him... not much point to this really lol nicola x