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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice needed for my friend

37 replies

jampots · 04/09/2005 21:21

My friend is splitting up with her partner of 10 years - they have a 21month old child. She works 4 days per week and is on about £45k pa, he works 5 days and is on about £25k. Their son goes to nursery. They jointly own a house with a mortgage. Maria pays pretty much for everything with a £350pm contribution from her partner. She has £22k in savings which he doesnt know about. In broad terms what would she be entitled to being as thought she is financially better off than he is? and is there any way she can "hide" her savings?

OP posts:
starlover · 04/09/2005 21:23

he will have to pay maintenance.

why does she need to hide hjer savings? she is very well off anyway!

Ladymuck · 04/09/2005 21:23

I would assume her "share" of the house, and something for child support assuming the child remains with mum. CSA calcs assume 15% of net salary of non-resident parent. Don't think her savings enter the equation.

cod · 04/09/2005 21:24

Message withdrawn

Original poster
jampots · 04/09/2005 21:24

she's a tightarse and has bonuses too!

OP posts:
cod · 04/09/2005 21:26

Message withdrawn

edam · 04/09/2005 21:27

there must be a way she can hide them - plenty of men manage it! but if they aren't married, then presumably doesn't have to be disclosed the way it would be in a divorce any way?

Pruni · 04/09/2005 21:27

Message withdrawn

essbee · 04/09/2005 21:29

Message withdrawn

Original poster
jampots · 04/09/2005 21:32

i think the reason she wants to hide it is because he pays £350 per month into the house to cover the mortgage, food, nursery, bills, cars, renovation/redecoration etc etc etc. He has never paid towards anything for their child inc equipment, clothes, toys, presents and she had to save enough money to tide them over to pay all the household expenses whilst she was on maternity leave. I agree if it was a man we would all be pissed off but when she was off work she found that he had stashed £6k in some ISA or something and also won just over £3k on the lottery and didnt give her/their child anything. He is mean beyond belief

OP posts:
essbee · 04/09/2005 21:32

Message withdrawn

essbee · 04/09/2005 21:33

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caligula · 04/09/2005 21:37

I think with a man who is so base as to squirrel away that amount of money at the expense of his family, she is going to get bugger all maintenance anyway. So she may as well just buy some essentials - like a new kitchen - that she has always wanted now, and be honest and open with the rest. It's not going to make any difference anyway. CSA maintenance levels are set very low, and lots of men don't pay without any sanction. Sounds like he'll be one of them, tbh.

starlover · 04/09/2005 21:46

sorry, but they BOTH have hidden savings. she has a lot more than his £6000 so can't really complain about that!
weird about lottery.

but at the end of the day, she earns nearly double what he does!
if it were the other way round how would you expect it to work out????

caligula · 04/09/2005 21:50

Gosh I hadn't clocked that £22K hidden savings she's got. Why did she hide it from him?

Sounds like they both had "trust issues", man!

Libb · 04/09/2005 22:01

£350 a month? I guess she wouldnt want to lose out on that with those meagre savings.

Sorry, sarky I know but jeez, what is it about money? the more you have the more it is a pain in the backside it seems.

starlover · 04/09/2005 22:04

he pays £350 per month into the house to cover the mortgage, food, nursery, bills, cars, renovation/redecoration etc etc etc

despite earning half of what she does?

i mean come on!

if he was earning £45k and she was on £25 she would want every penny she could get.
she is more than capable to take care of herself and the kids financially and i think that it is greedy to expect to be able to hide her savings in order to make him pay her more money!

in fact, i think the whole csa thing is a farce

Caligula · 04/09/2005 22:06

I think we need to remember here that maintenance payments are for the child, not the mother.

It doesn't matter how much you earn, your child is entitled to the absent parent's contribution.

My DP is supposed to pay £2.50 per week for each of his children and it sickens me that he doesn't. Not for the money (let's face it, even on a very low income, a fiver a week between 2 kids isn't going to make much difference), but for what it represents - some kind of acknowledgement of responsibility for his own flesh and blood.

Children are entitled to this, whatever their resident parent earns.

Original poster
jampots · 04/09/2005 22:08

i can see its obviously annoying everyone but do you not think that it is his responsibility to provide something for his child? I dont think she does want to break her heart every day she goes to her high pressured job and leave her little one in nursery but she has to because he does not see that he should keep the roof over their heads. Obviously she is in no doubt that any money she does have their son will benefit from, he cannot and does not feel the same.

OP posts:
starlover · 04/09/2005 22:10

if they break up then why should he pay for a roof over his sons head?

if they broke up and he kept the kids would she pay his mortgage?

Original poster
jampots · 04/09/2005 22:12

what are maintenance payments for?

OP posts:
sobernow · 04/09/2005 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caligula · 04/09/2005 22:21

Maintenance payments theoretically acknowledge the responsibility of both parent's for the financial upkeep of the child.

In practice of course, the lion's share of financial responsibility remains with the resident parent.

Libb · 04/09/2005 22:22

Of course he has to provide, ex and I have decided to forego the CSA completely at the moment and he will pay me £200 a month - far more than he has done to date - and we have agreed that we will play access by ear. We are civil - although moving this week has turned me into a wailing banshee fishwife and it has been touch and go. Him texting his new bit of fluff in front of me is a bone of contention too.

However, if I earnt her worth and had her savings then I am not sure I would expect a great deal. My DS is at a childminder full time and I pay for it. This week I have started living in a private rented house and I am scared witless that I can make it work. I don't think I can long term. If I earnt her income then it wouldn't be an issue at all. I daresay I envy her independence to be honest.

I hope this doesn't put you off explaining her situation and getting advice. It is just different strokes and all that . . .

essbee · 04/09/2005 22:29

Message withdrawn

Original poster
jampots · 04/09/2005 22:44

well the nursery fees are approx £120 pw, I dont know how much the mortgage is but it is repayment, plus then the general cost of living. Also she has reminded me that 45k was for her 5 days per week, of course it is now pro-rated and is £36 for 4 days so in reality she earns about 10k more than he does. She apparently has a company car so is taxed quite heavily but at least doesnt have the expense of completely running her own other than fuel.

When I said he doesnt see why he should keep a roof over their head I actually meant whilst he was living with them still as in a couple with a child.

Libb - i take your point about envying her independence but she would dearly love to be able to do a little part time job and not send her LO to nursery full time.

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