What do you do when 2 good friends fall out?

[OrmRenewed]

THis is the situation.

I have 2 good friends who happen to be married to brothers. About 6m ago there was
a big problem that blew up over something that one of them was supposed to have done.
I don't want to go into the ins and outs - I don't even know where to begin TBH. Suffice to say it was a very serious accusation potentially involving ss and they don't see each other anymore and the 2 brothers aren't speaking either. Most of their circle of friends seem to have become polarised.

Last weekend we invited the one who was supposed to have done the something (we'll call her V) to our new house with her DH for a few drinks tonight. Last night we got a text invited us to the other friend's house (J) because it was her DH's b'day. J's DH is one of my DH's oldest friends.

So DH texted V's DH back and asked if we could postpone the drinks - no problem, he had to get up at 4am saturday morning so was happy to do so. But DH didn't feel he could explain the reason for the postponement in case it upset them. In other words simple clash of dates might have caused a big falling out instead of being a simple case of 'we'll see you next friday instead then'.

How do you deal with this? I want to bang their heads together and say 'grow up!' and talk about it. But I don't think that would help. I don't want to lose either of them as friends - I don't have that many close friends that I can afford to lose any. But atm DH and I are tiptoeing around them all. Any ideas?

I went through something similar a few years ago. I told both of them I wanted to stay in contact with the other person, but would not be a middle man, would not pass on comments, messages, information etc. Even so, sometimes things I said were taken out of context, misinterpreted and repeated through 3rd parties so be careful!
Just be honest, keeping quiet will only blow up in your face down the line. Remember that you haven't started this situation and you shouldn't have to be responsible for their feelings, no matter how strong they are.Good luck.

Thanks.

Atm I am using a strict policy of non-involvement in the 'issue' - ie if one of them raises the subject I change it. But I guess it could still be misconstrued

It's tricky. DH had a group of 4 friends. He is bff with one and the other 2 were bffs (if that doesn't sound infantile!!) The other 2 fell out quite badly. DH and his bff told the other 2 that they were not going to take sides, they were going to continue to see each friend and that both would be invited to any parties etc, that if they didn't want to see each other they shouldn't come but DH and his friend weren't going to get involved. It's worked out all right, sometimes things can get a bit tense--both came to DH's bff wedding and to our wedding and there was a bit of sarcasm/nastiness from one of the wives but on the whole it's been fine.

I think you should be straight with them, tell them both that you understand they have issues with each other but you are not going to get involved or take sides! Otherwise it all gets a bit cloak and dagger.