ex turned up

[jenk1]

hello i have posted a topic in special needs instead of on here, i dont know how to do a link so will try and be brief, my DS biological father who has not seen him for over 2 years has decided he wants to see him now, obviously i am worried as DS is very secure and settled with me and DH and calls DH dad, DS biological dad has had problems in the past and now reckons he,s "sorted his head out"

But i am very sceptical as he has twice done this before, i dont know what his rights are and what i can do.
DS has AS/ASD and is very sensitive to the slightest change in fact it took us months to resettle him when his bio dad decided he didnt want to see him anymore.
Please have a look at my post in special needs under "i dont believe it" if any one can give me some advice on what to do i would appreciate it so very much

thanks in advance

bump

oh not a nice situation to be in for you. my heart says one thing and my brain another, my heart says all kids should see all of there parents if possible, but my brain tells me that this isn't always possible and that sometimes kids are better off without one of their parents in their lives!

Hopefully someone who has been in this situation and knows a bit more about it will coma along soon.

take care!

i know ive always thought that all kids have a right to see their parents which has led to beleive in the past that it is the right thing to give DS Bio dad chances but he has let DS down so many times.
I have all these emotions going thru my head-depriving DS of his "dad", if he sees him and he lets him down which lets face it he,s completely blotto every weekend so he probably would then me and DH have to pick up the pieces of a unhappy unsecure little boy again oh i dont know what to do

You poor thing, having to go through this again. Unfortunately as I can testify from my ex-P, the saying that the best indicator for future behaviour is past behaviour is often true. If you feel there is a strong potential for your DS to be let down and for this to cause harm, I would suggest speaking to a solicitor for some advice and making the biological father apply through the court for contact. You know your son best and you know what he can/can't cope with.

I don't think just biologically begetting a child should give you any 'rights' over that human being at all, bringing up and nurturing is what counts. Does your exp have parental responsiblity?

no i dont think so what is it?

parental resp gives you a say in the child's upbringing/welfare, used to be that, if unmarried, the father had to apply for it - more recently (last year?) is assumed if he signs birth cert. Prob not, from what you say.
Agree that taking legal advice might be a good idea, - if ex has to apply to courts for contact this might well be too much bother, from sound of him
Given the circs (including 'blotto every weekend' it could well be argued that contact would be unsettling and detrimental

no he doesnt have this he,s not on the birth certificate-long story so thats not an option fir him, no what he,ll do is keep sending messages thru people and wait to see if i get in touch with him which im not going to

if hes not going to contact you directly then i really wouldnt worry about it, i had this with my dd's bio "dad" and he last saw her when she was 3 mths old she is now 6 and is very happy calling my dp daddy - he is an amazing dad and actually adds to her life rather than being a complete waste of space... anyway i told her bd that if he wanted to see her he would have to go to court, he never bothered so the ball is still in his court n i dont feel bad because if he wanted to see her that much he would have saved up the money to do it by now (he was also into drink and drugs)so thats probably where his money has gone over the yrs. hope you get it sorted